Yesterday, while driving, I was listening to ABC Classic Radio and there was an interview with Dr Mohamed Khadra, about a play he co-wrote with David Williamson, which premiered at the Noosa Long Weekend Festival.
Dr Khadra wanted to create interest and discussion about the high cost of keeping people alive at the end of their lives, when the reality is that they should be able to die with dignity.
It is due to open its Sydney season on July 15th, at the Ensemble Theatre, and later at Penrith's Q Theatre in September.
You can listen to the interview with Margaret Throsby - accessible at this site.
http://www.abc.net.au/classic/throsby/stories/s3250342.htm
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Fear of Ageing
I am sure we all fear the last few years of our lives - fear of the unknown really as we don't know how our own bodies and minds are going to behave in our twilight years.
My father, at almost 92, is an independent cuss, whose live nearly ended 12 years ago when he was given 24 hours to live - and somehow miraculoulsy survived, for which we are very grateful. I remember at the time my mother's reaction as he lay dying - she really had had enough I think. He was typical male - and made most decisions - often wisely, but she had lost her own independence many years before. He berated her frequently, and I suspect his behaviour contrinuted to her downward spiral mentally.
She had some 15 years ago wanted to move into a 'retirement facility' - just a small unit, similar to what they were living in, but with support and people around. Mum had no where to go, no one to talk to, unless Dad took her, and he was such a nice guy to everyone else that he was always made a fuss of, and often stayed at the events that Mum had thought she could get some peace away from him. These occurrences continually aggravated here.
He dominated her life in every way. Mentally she went downhill quickly and he beratd her more. He cared for her though - and it was he who cooked the meals and did much of the housework. Last year, he became ill (though we know now that it was more 'panic attack' than anything as he was suddenly overwhelmed by all he had to do - and the continual bickering (often instigated by him) got him down and he was taken to hospital. It was clear he was unable to manage our mother, so she went to a nursing home.
As it was right next door to their unit - he felt it was the right thing to stay there. He was still driving though didn't go far. I could never understand how his doctor would see him as still fit to drive, but he managed without any accidents.
Clearly though in the last year, he was failing. It came to a head recently when he 'collapsed' - actually another panic attack, and he was hospitalised. He was discharged - and on talking to him I deduced that he really was not fit to beon his own, but he had rejected all support except regular home visits by an aged care organisation.
My sister took time off work to keep an eye on him, but she was looking after her daughters home and animals on the other side of the city, and I was in Brisbane - not easily able to go to Adelaide. (Even if I had wanted to go - the volcanic ash from Chile would have interrupted any travel plans)
My sister called to make sure he ate properly, and she gave him his medication. He was so confused he needed someone to do this for him. So this man thinks he can now live alone???
My sister had been with him most of yesterday and, according to his wishes arranged for home help, - someone to visit every day - check that he had meals, and that he was taking his medication. I spoke with him about 1 pm - he was feeling fine, he said. In fact he sounded quite bright and confident everything would work out. (His breathing bothered me - there were signs of breathlessness I could hear). My sister left for a short time to do some shopping for him, but while he was away the home care folk to confirm arrangements and Dad broke down. He told the lady that he could not manage and could not breathe properly, so she called the ambulance and then contacted my sister.
He was taken to Ashford Hospital in Adelaide, but a few hours later he was transferred to Glenelg Hospital. He has now accepted that he will never go home and that he will have to go to some aged care facility. He refuses to go to the same place Mum is - creating quite a dilemma for us - my sister will now have two places to visit on a regular basis.
I can understand how he was reluctant to go to a facility - my experience is that they are unhappy places - God's waiting rooms - and I have no doubt that he will go downhill quickly.
Meanwhile my mother is oblivous to all that is going on. She doesn't seem to notice that she has not seen Bob for a while. She will be 96 this year and physically is ok.
I don't know the answer, but I know that as a community we are not providing well for our ageing population. I know it is often a finance issue, and I know older people are pigheaded and won't make the changes that they need to. If Mum and Dad had moved when she wanted to, into a facility that had a nursing home attached/associated with it, they would both have had more peace of mind.
It is hard. I wonder how I will react as I get older?
My father, at almost 92, is an independent cuss, whose live nearly ended 12 years ago when he was given 24 hours to live - and somehow miraculoulsy survived, for which we are very grateful. I remember at the time my mother's reaction as he lay dying - she really had had enough I think. He was typical male - and made most decisions - often wisely, but she had lost her own independence many years before. He berated her frequently, and I suspect his behaviour contrinuted to her downward spiral mentally.
She had some 15 years ago wanted to move into a 'retirement facility' - just a small unit, similar to what they were living in, but with support and people around. Mum had no where to go, no one to talk to, unless Dad took her, and he was such a nice guy to everyone else that he was always made a fuss of, and often stayed at the events that Mum had thought she could get some peace away from him. These occurrences continually aggravated here.
He dominated her life in every way. Mentally she went downhill quickly and he beratd her more. He cared for her though - and it was he who cooked the meals and did much of the housework. Last year, he became ill (though we know now that it was more 'panic attack' than anything as he was suddenly overwhelmed by all he had to do - and the continual bickering (often instigated by him) got him down and he was taken to hospital. It was clear he was unable to manage our mother, so she went to a nursing home.
As it was right next door to their unit - he felt it was the right thing to stay there. He was still driving though didn't go far. I could never understand how his doctor would see him as still fit to drive, but he managed without any accidents.
Clearly though in the last year, he was failing. It came to a head recently when he 'collapsed' - actually another panic attack, and he was hospitalised. He was discharged - and on talking to him I deduced that he really was not fit to beon his own, but he had rejected all support except regular home visits by an aged care organisation.
My sister took time off work to keep an eye on him, but she was looking after her daughters home and animals on the other side of the city, and I was in Brisbane - not easily able to go to Adelaide. (Even if I had wanted to go - the volcanic ash from Chile would have interrupted any travel plans)
My sister called to make sure he ate properly, and she gave him his medication. He was so confused he needed someone to do this for him. So this man thinks he can now live alone???
My sister had been with him most of yesterday and, according to his wishes arranged for home help, - someone to visit every day - check that he had meals, and that he was taking his medication. I spoke with him about 1 pm - he was feeling fine, he said. In fact he sounded quite bright and confident everything would work out. (His breathing bothered me - there were signs of breathlessness I could hear). My sister left for a short time to do some shopping for him, but while he was away the home care folk to confirm arrangements and Dad broke down. He told the lady that he could not manage and could not breathe properly, so she called the ambulance and then contacted my sister.
He was taken to Ashford Hospital in Adelaide, but a few hours later he was transferred to Glenelg Hospital. He has now accepted that he will never go home and that he will have to go to some aged care facility. He refuses to go to the same place Mum is - creating quite a dilemma for us - my sister will now have two places to visit on a regular basis.
I can understand how he was reluctant to go to a facility - my experience is that they are unhappy places - God's waiting rooms - and I have no doubt that he will go downhill quickly.
Meanwhile my mother is oblivous to all that is going on. She doesn't seem to notice that she has not seen Bob for a while. She will be 96 this year and physically is ok.
I don't know the answer, but I know that as a community we are not providing well for our ageing population. I know it is often a finance issue, and I know older people are pigheaded and won't make the changes that they need to. If Mum and Dad had moved when she wanted to, into a facility that had a nursing home attached/associated with it, they would both have had more peace of mind.
It is hard. I wonder how I will react as I get older?
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Elder Abuse
This morning's Sunday Mail reported a number of very sad events where people have taken unfair advantage of elders. One case was an elderly man who was taken advantage of by a women, already married, but feigned her love for the man, and in the end took his money. Luckily, according to the story, he was able to pull himself together and get his life back on track. Some people are very vulnerable after the death of a partner, or an illness. There always seems to be some nasty person around to take advantage of the situation.
There has been more in the papers about the funeral industry and I am pleased to know that there is a new organisation getting ready to be created that will advocate for families at the time of death. It is so important that families are not ripped off, or that they get the best value for their dollars.
It would be great to get more support. If anyone is interested they can send me a message via the comments section, and I will put them in touch with the organisers who are keen to work to ensure that there is "Dignity in Death."
Australia really is a multicultural country - so there are many types of funerals held in Australia.
My friend Patty Beecham has a business where she takes videos of family events - including funerals. I had to think hard about this - I did not initially understand why someone would want a family funeral filmed but I am sure that it will bring value to some folk.
Visit her website to see what she is doing. Click here.
Make your own banner at MyBannerMaker.com!
There has been more in the papers about the funeral industry and I am pleased to know that there is a new organisation getting ready to be created that will advocate for families at the time of death. It is so important that families are not ripped off, or that they get the best value for their dollars.
It would be great to get more support. If anyone is interested they can send me a message via the comments section, and I will put them in touch with the organisers who are keen to work to ensure that there is "Dignity in Death."
Australia really is a multicultural country - so there are many types of funerals held in Australia.
My friend Patty Beecham has a business where she takes videos of family events - including funerals. I had to think hard about this - I did not initially understand why someone would want a family funeral filmed but I am sure that it will bring value to some folk.
Visit her website to see what she is doing. Click here.
Make your own banner at MyBannerMaker.com!
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