Retirement Village Expo

A week or so ago, I was reading the Sunday Mail and saw an advertisement for an Expo on Retirement Villages at Bronco's which is not far from where I am house sitting.  So, I duly visited there that afternoon.  I'd hope that they would have received better patronage than I saw that afternoon, but it was towards the end of the event.

It was refreshing to see some really lovely aged care/retirement facilities on display - not that I am looking for anything for me right now, but I found it interesting. 

I had a long chat with two wonderful ladies who were working on promoting a lovely looking facility on the Sunshine Coast.  I'd move in fairly quickly IF I had the dollars.

One of the ladies phoned me today, (following up as I left my contact details trying to win their raffle!), and we had a another long chat.

There certainly is a poor image of aged care facilities - and I can see from the displays that there are many improvements, but I recognise that there is a buge reluctance on the part of older people to consider leaving their homes and support mechanisms to venture to one of these places.

I was interested to learn that the Sunshine Coast facility has some apartments where people can stay for a few days to get some understanding and experience life there. Still there is much work to be done.

I know with my own parents (Dad almost 92, and Mum almost 96) how they wrestled with the situation.  Mum was really keen quite a few years ago to move into a retirement village, and fought desperately with Dad over it.  He refused.  In part, one of the reasons for my mother's enthusiasm was that she was 'trapped' in their apartment.  She was no longer able to briskly walk to the bus stop to catch a bus, and was reliant on my father to take her places.

I'd not like to say that my father used it as a 'control' of her, but I am sure that is how she felt.  She was often angry that she had to negotiate with him each time she wanted to go out, and she was continually angry that he accompanied her everywhere, even to sitting in a hall waiting for her (and as Mum said, 'chatting up the other ladies').  As is often the case there are more women at social events than men - partly because men are not as social beings as women, and partly so many of the men had passed on earlier.  Women often outlive men!

I do get a feeling that my mother's mental state deteriorated faster because of her anger at the way she had to be so reliant on him.  There had been two ladies living in the apartment block during the 20 plus years they were there, but one died, and the other moved to a nursinghome when her vision deteriorated, so Mum was further isolated.  Dad of course went to bowls often, leaving Mum home alone.

I find it interesting that they both found going out anywhere somewhat of a chore.  For quite a few years they went on monthly trips with a tour group, but several things happened.  Dad was often the only man on the tour, and as he had a good sense of humour, Mum had to 'share' him with the other ladies.  Dad mostly enjoyed the experience, though did express his wish that there would be more men on the trips. Mum did not enjoy sharing him.  However, the factor that stopped the trips was that Mum became slightly disabled as a result of a fall, and she found it impossible to climb the steps to get into, or later out of, the bus.

Dad didn't like driving at night - so that stopped some social activities.  Going to the movies was out - they found the high volumes at theatres too much for them (something I agree with!!!  Why so loud???)

The social support and the real support when health issues occurred would have helped them, but even now, Dad is still determined to stay in his own unit, alone now, as Mum is in the Nursing Home next to where they lived for many years.

Dad is keen to go to another nursing home - as he does not like the one Mum is in (perhaps knows the staff and residents too well, and has no friendship with any resident), but I am not sure how it would work with them being seperated.  Logistically a bit of a night mare.  If they were entrenched in the same facility when Mum deteriorated he could be living in a unit in the facility, and she in the high care section and they could visit, and be independent now their lives were different.  Does that make sense?

I know many folk are having challenges with parents/relatives who refuse to move on, and I understand that moving out of one's familiar home does come with challenges, but life could be so much better in the right facility.