Middle Aged People the Most Gloomy

An interesting article and more information to come with a paper to be released in the next few days.  Go to http://www.couriermail.com.au/news/breaking-news/happiness-is-shaped-like-a-u-with-middle-aged-people-the-most-gloomy-study-shows/story-e6freonf-1226040931567 to read it.

I must say it is gloomy reading all the doom, gloom, natural disasters, high cost of living, etc in our papers!!!

Retirement Village Expo

A week or so ago, I was reading the Sunday Mail and saw an advertisement for an Expo on Retirement Villages at Bronco's which is not far from where I am house sitting.  So, I duly visited there that afternoon.  I'd hope that they would have received better patronage than I saw that afternoon, but it was towards the end of the event.

It was refreshing to see some really lovely aged care/retirement facilities on display - not that I am looking for anything for me right now, but I found it interesting. 

I had a long chat with two wonderful ladies who were working on promoting a lovely looking facility on the Sunshine Coast.  I'd move in fairly quickly IF I had the dollars.

One of the ladies phoned me today, (following up as I left my contact details trying to win their raffle!), and we had a another long chat.

There certainly is a poor image of aged care facilities - and I can see from the displays that there are many improvements, but I recognise that there is a buge reluctance on the part of older people to consider leaving their homes and support mechanisms to venture to one of these places.

I was interested to learn that the Sunshine Coast facility has some apartments where people can stay for a few days to get some understanding and experience life there. Still there is much work to be done.

I know with my own parents (Dad almost 92, and Mum almost 96) how they wrestled with the situation.  Mum was really keen quite a few years ago to move into a retirement village, and fought desperately with Dad over it.  He refused.  In part, one of the reasons for my mother's enthusiasm was that she was 'trapped' in their apartment.  She was no longer able to briskly walk to the bus stop to catch a bus, and was reliant on my father to take her places.

I'd not like to say that my father used it as a 'control' of her, but I am sure that is how she felt.  She was often angry that she had to negotiate with him each time she wanted to go out, and she was continually angry that he accompanied her everywhere, even to sitting in a hall waiting for her (and as Mum said, 'chatting up the other ladies').  As is often the case there are more women at social events than men - partly because men are not as social beings as women, and partly so many of the men had passed on earlier.  Women often outlive men!

I do get a feeling that my mother's mental state deteriorated faster because of her anger at the way she had to be so reliant on him.  There had been two ladies living in the apartment block during the 20 plus years they were there, but one died, and the other moved to a nursinghome when her vision deteriorated, so Mum was further isolated.  Dad of course went to bowls often, leaving Mum home alone.

I find it interesting that they both found going out anywhere somewhat of a chore.  For quite a few years they went on monthly trips with a tour group, but several things happened.  Dad was often the only man on the tour, and as he had a good sense of humour, Mum had to 'share' him with the other ladies.  Dad mostly enjoyed the experience, though did express his wish that there would be more men on the trips. Mum did not enjoy sharing him.  However, the factor that stopped the trips was that Mum became slightly disabled as a result of a fall, and she found it impossible to climb the steps to get into, or later out of, the bus.

Dad didn't like driving at night - so that stopped some social activities.  Going to the movies was out - they found the high volumes at theatres too much for them (something I agree with!!!  Why so loud???)

The social support and the real support when health issues occurred would have helped them, but even now, Dad is still determined to stay in his own unit, alone now, as Mum is in the Nursing Home next to where they lived for many years.

Dad is keen to go to another nursing home - as he does not like the one Mum is in (perhaps knows the staff and residents too well, and has no friendship with any resident), but I am not sure how it would work with them being seperated.  Logistically a bit of a night mare.  If they were entrenched in the same facility when Mum deteriorated he could be living in a unit in the facility, and she in the high care section and they could visit, and be independent now their lives were different.  Does that make sense?

I know many folk are having challenges with parents/relatives who refuse to move on, and I understand that moving out of one's familiar home does come with challenges, but life could be so much better in the right facility.

China - and thoughts on death.

I was interested to read an article on China Daily, about this topic.  Australians, Chinese and many other cultures around the world find it difficult to discuss death, and the issues that are raised.  I know if I tell anyone I like reading/writing obituaries, people shy away from me as if I have an unnatural interest in death, or that I am scary to be talking with. 

Sooner or later we will all die - and research, as is noted elsewhere in this blog, indicates that those are prepared for it, and understand it as something that is inevitable, manage much better with the whole process.

The China Daily article has a number of stories - quite interesting.  Click here to read the articles.

We certainly need to be able to discuss our wishes and feel comfortable with this topic - even with our loved ones.

This is worth reading - wisdom from a 90 year old.

This came to me in an email, but it is too good just to forward on.

Written by a 90 year  old
This is something we should all read at least once a  week!!!!! Make sure you read to the end!!!!!!
Written by  Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio  .
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons  life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever  written.
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is  the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still  good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small  step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating  anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick.  Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your  credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every  argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more  healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God.  He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your  first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is  futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up  the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you  cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea  what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to  be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can  change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never  blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17.  Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or  joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you  stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood.  But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it  comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an  answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the  fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is  special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23.  Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24.  The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in  charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called  disaster with these words 'In five years, will this  matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone  everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of  your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time  time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will  change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else  does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you  because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't  do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it  now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying  young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38.  All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get  outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we  all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab  ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all  you need.
42. The best is yet to come...
43. No matter  how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44.  Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a  gift."

(I think we can change No 4 - to read, friends and children)

How dare they!!!!

When I was in Adelaide recently my father (aged 91) told me that his doctor has such terrible handwriting, that recently he was given a prescription at a consultation, which he had to drive some 3 kms  to see the doctor.  When he took the script to the chemist he was told that they could not read the doctor's writing, so he had to take it back to the doctor.  Which he did, but as the doctor had departed from the surgery, he left it and was told that it would be mailed to him.  Which it was.

(I was angry that the chemist and the surgery could not solve the problem without expecting my father to do the leg work for something that was clearly not his fault.  The doctor is older and refused to use a computer as most doctors now do, for such tasks. )

I was with my father when he presented the prescription at the chemist, one which he had been visiting regularly for some 30 years, and this time they refused to provide the medication because the doctor had written a date some 5 days in advance!!!  My father, already having used up his previous prescription, now would have to go without his medication until the date on the prescription.

I was furious, so took the prescription from him and stormed to the counter!!!!  Angry?  Sure was!!!!

I pointed out to the staff that my father had already been given the 'run around' due to the incompetance of the doctor and the pharmacy, and that this latest event was unacceptable.  The poor writing of the doctor was such that the date could be construed as any number - and that I was not leaving until my father was given his medication.

There was a quick discussion between the chemist and staff member, (the former looking like she was terrified of me!) and they agreed to give him the medication.  I thanked them and sat down and shortly afterwards Dad was given the medication, for which he paid at the counter.

He's a wily old man, and knows that he (and he is sure others) are being ripped off by the system.  He is a Repat Patient, having servced with the military during WWII,  and some months ago he went to the Repat Clinic for a regular appointment.  His 'usual' doctor had gone, and he saw another doctor, so on noting his address, suggested it would be easier for him to visit her surgery nearer his home.  Sounded good. 

He did go for his next appointment, and his prescription was written on a normal script pad.  He didn't realise this until later, and found out he would have to pay a higher price than normal because of that.  He went back, and asked that the prescription be put on the correct paperwork.  He noted that there was some discomfort with all of this - and he has the feeling that he has been 'poached' from the Repat System.

I'm sure this sort of 'rorting' if I can call it that, is going on, and those who do not know or stand up for themselves are being manipulated in a very deceptive way.  He will not complain to any authority - he is already feeling intimidated by the system.

An email - worth reading.....

This was in an email that came to me this week.  I know not who wrote it, so I am hoping he/she does not mind if I put it here, but as someone who is very interested in aged care in Australia, it does make you think.

Dear Prime Minister,
Let's put the seniors in jail and the criminals in a nursing home. This way the seniors would have access to showers, hobbies and walks. They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out. They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly if they fell, or needed assistance.
Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them. A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose. They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counseling, pool and education.
Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request. Private, secure! rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens. Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.
The "criminals" would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay $900.00 per month and have no hope of ever getting out.
Justice for all we say.

Dementia - my mother forgets me.

I phoned my mother in the nursing home in Adelaide today.  It was 9 am and she was lying on her bed.  She did not remember me.  She kept saying she did not have another daughter.  She remembers my sister.  It was hard to fight back the tears.  Eventually she seemed to remember me but the conversation was quite weird.  She thinks she lives in Mt Gambier and  is on a training camp and they have lessons all the time, and she is tiring of it.  She says she does not live with my father any more - (true) she does not, but he lives right next door.  She says he is in Adelaide, (true) and spends all day at the Bowls Club.(not true)

Dementia is cruel.  I learned today that if one eats more walnuts it helps to slow down or reverse some dementia.  I will buy some and eat plenty.