A huge dilemma

This morning's Courier Mail tells an awful tale about an elderly lady who died in dreadful circumstances.  There's a link to the story below, but essentially an elderly Polish lady had wanted to live at home with her daughter, and it appears the daughter had challenges of her own (depression), and was unable to properly care for her mother.

I can imagine a lot of people can identify with this situation.  We are not conditioned to caring for an elderly parent, especially when they clearly need nursing care.  Even a devoted daughter with nursing experience will find it difficult to nurse their elderly relative, and manage a house and life in general.  We may WANT to care for our elderly loved ones, but it is not easy, especially if the elder person is not keen for any other intervention.

The sad story tells of the decline of the old lady, in the end dying a terrible death at home with bedsores, some with maggots in them.  The daughter has been found guilty to the "manslaughter" of her mother and sentenced to jail.  

I know nothing more than what I have read in the Courier Mail on line here, and I can only imagine the trauma the daughter endured, and I'm angry that she must spend time in jail.  The women were Polish with apparently no other family around, and the mother was quite domineering, so again I can only imagine what the daughter had to put up with.

Many people do not understand the support that is available to them and I know the anguish if the older person refuses to accept that help.  We had to trick my own mother into going into a nursing home (what elderly person WANTS to go into care???), with the support of relatives, but if there is no support, or no KNOWN support, what can a daughter/son do?

One of the great tragedies is that older people do not want to go into care, and families are often bullied by parents because of their desires to be with the family.  It is a tragedy and a dilemma for many families.

What is the answer?  I don't know.  However, family and friends should be supportive and caring of people facing these dilemma's and we should all educate ourselves and others to the support systems that are out there.

For governments I believe they need to make the support systems more accessible, and "user friendly".  Knowing what we have gone through with my parents I wonder how many people can cope. 

As the baby boomers reach old age we will have many more challenges in providing quality care - and other families will be traumatised.  

That the daughter must endure prison for "manslaughter" is unfair.  In the article there was no evidence of cruelty to her mother - and I know nothing of the court case, so know of no evidence to support that she deliberately set out to harm her mother.  I doubt she did.  It sounds like she was unable to cope with a domineering mother, and did her best.  Sadly she was in a position of having little choice.  If she'd sent her mother to a care facility against her wishes, she would have felt guilt and trauma as a result.  As it is now she has to suffer the guilt of having this "guilty of manslaughter" of her mother conviction.

Very sad story all round.

People who prepare for death live longer

I found this video very interesting and the message that "people who prepare for death live longer."

Recently a friend told me that she was not thinking about it - the idea of getting old or facing decline or death really bothered her, so I hope one day she pops in and watches this video.

I would imagine having made some of the decisions, it would free you from any worry.  We know stress (worry) takes a toll on our health.

What do you want to do?

I've had interesting discussions with friends in the recent week since I have been exploring various aspects of ageing, and I am surprised that there are some who are trying to ignore the inevitable.  We are all getting older, and some of us will depart this world before we reach a "ripe old age" whatever that is.  My research continues and I will be adding a poll to the site here, and further information.

The following video I found from a link from an Australian site about ageing.  It is American, but the blurb says that it is appropriate for Australia too.  I will add further information as I find it.

95 Today

Today is my mother's birthday - Joyce W is 95 today!  I phoned her in the nursing home today and she was thrilled.  Initially she'd forgotten it was her birthday but said "I had made her day!"  It was a short conversation - partially because I could not understand her.  For the first time I have noticed a slurring of her speech.  I told her that I will see her next week when I visit Adelaide.

I heard that last week, she lead a "posse" of escapees from the home.  She and two other ladies found a way out and they headed up the street, past the house where she and my father had lived for many years.  

Apparently she did not recognise it as she was some distance along the road when found.  A neighbour in the street notified the nursing home that some of the residents were wandering along the road.

My mother, and escapee???   :)

The elders in China.

I read this on the website for China Daily.

"Elderly entering old age without support of kids

GUANGZHOU - A recent study of the elderly in parts of Guangdong province, in southern China, has shown that the tradition of children supporting their aged parents is slowly fading away.

The survey of nearly 1,300 people aged 60 or above, living in urban areas, found that, more and more, the elderly are living by themselves and are instead providing financial support to their adult children."

You can read the full article here. China Daily Report 

In old China where there were big families, often the oldest daughter looked after the parents, and her siblings helped support them.  But now with only small families, themselves struggling in a very competitive world, the parents are left to fend for themselves, or as I saw when in China, the grandparents have become full time carers for their children.

Having parents and grandparents in charge of their discipline has interesting consequences, and often the grandparents are blamed if the child becomes spoiled and demanding.

Like Australia, the large number of elderly people are causing the government concern.

I wonder - will ageing become popular (in the theatre)?

Today I learned about a musical called "Alzheimers - The Musical." It apparently was on in Melbourne earlier this year, and I am trying to find out where it might be performing next.

Is this the next popular genre for the theatre?  After seeing "Gwen in Purgatory" I'm rather impressed that there is interest in this topic!!!

I found the YouTube video which is rather fun. Watch it.

"Gwen in Purgatory"

It was the last week of the performance of "Gwen in Purgatory" at La Boite Theatre at Kelvin Grove.  I had not been there before (I remember the old La Boite, theatre in the round at Hale Street, many years ago before the roadworks in that area). La Boite had moved to the midst of the huge campus/retail area of the campus there.  So much has been developed since I last visited there too!

I had read the review of "Gwen in Purgatory" in the Courier Mail some weeks ago - a play about the challenges of ageing. 

I managed to find my way there - so difficult as there isn't even a sign up that it is "La Boite" and I had to ask security staff - one, an ex-American escorted me to the theatre - I'd have had a challenge finding it myself as there it is called "Roundhouse Theatre" and even then the signage is difficult to find.  ( I was amused that the security man called it "La Boyt" - not the French - he said that is what it is called now - though theatre staff disputed this when I asked them!)

Parking is free  - which is a bonus. There are parking fees/restrictions more during the day.

The theatre is high in a building (thank you elevator), and there is a bar and coffee space near the box office, but no where else to wait.  No seating.  I wandered around until the doors opened at 7.15 pm.  On entering the theatre, we could sit anywhere we chose, with seating on three sides of the square theatre in the round.

Gwen Houlihan was already on stage sitting in her lounge chair reading, fussing, surrounded by cardboard boxes in a rather modern new home.

Gwen, at 90 years of age, has moved into a new home and clearly has not opened any boxes, nor it appears has she eaten as there is no food in the fridge, or pantry.  And she doesn't know where her things are.

She clearly is having trouble with all her remotes (security, air conditioner etc), and the new cordless phone and her mobile phone and there are some funny moments as she tries to work them out.

I noticed the young people in the audience found these scenes very funny - but there was little or no laughter from the older people around me.  (Young people have grown up with these technologies, but we older people have had to learn the intricacies of these tools that we don't readily "embrace".)

The storyline was brilliant, the actors were excellent and the whole show was very real.  The flyer says "Gwen is 90.  She woke up one morning to discover that purgatory is sitting alone in a new house in a new subdivision, trying to work out if the remote in her hand operates the TV, the air-con or the fan-forced oven."

Grant Dodwell plays one of the family members - many of us will remember him from A Country Practice and other shows.  I was rather surprised to see him so "rotund" but later learned that it was clever padding!

Melissa Jaffer as Gwen was brilliant, and I loved the character of Father Ezekiel (Pacharo Mzembe)who had come to bless the new house.  In fact all the cast was brilliant.