A huge dilemma

This morning's Courier Mail tells an awful tale about an elderly lady who died in dreadful circumstances.  There's a link to the story below, but essentially an elderly Polish lady had wanted to live at home with her daughter, and it appears the daughter had challenges of her own (depression), and was unable to properly care for her mother.

I can imagine a lot of people can identify with this situation.  We are not conditioned to caring for an elderly parent, especially when they clearly need nursing care.  Even a devoted daughter with nursing experience will find it difficult to nurse their elderly relative, and manage a house and life in general.  We may WANT to care for our elderly loved ones, but it is not easy, especially if the elder person is not keen for any other intervention.

The sad story tells of the decline of the old lady, in the end dying a terrible death at home with bedsores, some with maggots in them.  The daughter has been found guilty to the "manslaughter" of her mother and sentenced to jail.  

I know nothing more than what I have read in the Courier Mail on line here, and I can only imagine the trauma the daughter endured, and I'm angry that she must spend time in jail.  The women were Polish with apparently no other family around, and the mother was quite domineering, so again I can only imagine what the daughter had to put up with.

Many people do not understand the support that is available to them and I know the anguish if the older person refuses to accept that help.  We had to trick my own mother into going into a nursing home (what elderly person WANTS to go into care???), with the support of relatives, but if there is no support, or no KNOWN support, what can a daughter/son do?

One of the great tragedies is that older people do not want to go into care, and families are often bullied by parents because of their desires to be with the family.  It is a tragedy and a dilemma for many families.

What is the answer?  I don't know.  However, family and friends should be supportive and caring of people facing these dilemma's and we should all educate ourselves and others to the support systems that are out there.

For governments I believe they need to make the support systems more accessible, and "user friendly".  Knowing what we have gone through with my parents I wonder how many people can cope. 

As the baby boomers reach old age we will have many more challenges in providing quality care - and other families will be traumatised.  

That the daughter must endure prison for "manslaughter" is unfair.  In the article there was no evidence of cruelty to her mother - and I know nothing of the court case, so know of no evidence to support that she deliberately set out to harm her mother.  I doubt she did.  It sounds like she was unable to cope with a domineering mother, and did her best.  Sadly she was in a position of having little choice.  If she'd sent her mother to a care facility against her wishes, she would have felt guilt and trauma as a result.  As it is now she has to suffer the guilt of having this "guilty of manslaughter" of her mother conviction.

Very sad story all round.