Over the weekend a couple of things occurred. Our dear dog Kramer died. He was an old dog. My husband was in charge of Kramer - as I am elsewhere, and on Wednesday when it appeared that he had another stroke, he was taken to the Vet. Kramer previously had had two strokes that we know of, and this one was severe and he was quite sick. The Vet advised to leave him in, have a few injections, and see what happens.
If I had been there I think I would have discussed euthanasia straight away. Kramer was not able to live the happy dog's life - slept all day, and was clearly in decline. My option would have been to ease his pain, and let him fade away painlessly. But the vet each day suggested "wait another day...." Now I might seem cruel and suspicious of the Vet's motives. Clearly an old dog has had it's day. But each call resulted in the "wait and see". On Saturday it was clear Kramer was declining. I did want to see him BEFORE he died, but as it turns out he died on Saturday morning - 24 hours before my planned farewell with him.
We are all very sad about his passing and we will miss him - and we await the bill. Much higher than the one we would have if my suggestion had been accepted. Was it all about making more $$$$'s for the Vet?
Also a friend has as she said "entered my world" - where a parent over 90 is resisting making changes in their lives that would surely make them (and the rest of the family) more comfortable about their care. I'm all for giving older people the right to choose what they do with their lives, but there comes a point (and I think it is around 85+) that they are not always capable of making good choices.
My mother for example, wanted to move into senior's accommodation, for the companionship of others, more opportunities to go on bus trips with peers, and to have the comfort of knowing that there were friends around to "keep an eye on them". My father resisted. So Mum's last days in her own home were not happy. She lost her freedom as she needed Dad to take her to places, and if he didn't want to go he would argue an alternative. Mum increasingly lost her ability to go to places on her own, was only able to do what HE wanted, and as dementia caught up with her she did nothing.
She was never much of a reader, but would play cards, chat, do spinning, help with morning teas etc, but bit by bit that was removed from her weekly calendar. In the end she did almost nothing - but believed she did it all. She could not ever believe that Dad did all the cooking, and that a lady did the cleaning. She sat (often with a glass of wine) believing that she did it all. Now she is in a nursing home, but getting her there (as she was badly in need of care that my father (at 91) could no longer give her.
I do not know what the answer is. Perhaps it is providing better aged care facilities where people are not traumatised by the transition to something like that. Why would my father not wish to move? He still refuses to budge.
In any case, there are so many dilemmas one must face as we age. We are all ageing. I hope I can be less trouble to my offspring than my parents are. Don't get me wrong, I'm not "whingeing" as such, but lamenting the trauma to all concerned as we reach our "use by date" and won't see it.
I recall my grandmother refusing, when in her late 80's, to cash her pension cheques as "she was not old!" Thousands of families have to deal with this every day/week/month/year. What is the solution???
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