Bad News for Seniors.

There were several articles in The Sunday Mail in Brisbane today, May 15th, 2011, that provide depressing information for seniors.

One article was about the problems within the funeral industry.  There are apparently funeral directors who are misleading their clients and not treating the deceased (or their families) with dignity and respect and that strange things are happening in the industry.  So make sure that when you need the services of a funeral director you choose one which does do the right thing.  Again, this is probably something you should research well before you need their services.  It would't hurt to do some research right now.

Also, if you are one that has chosen to pay funds on a regular basis to a Funeral Insurance plan, just check that, should you live a long time, that you are not paying far more than your funeral will every cost.  Some companies are making massive profits from people who live a long time, and can lose everything if they stop paying.  Do your research and check the details of any company you choose to insure with.

Another article was calling for more scrutiny of older drivers after an horrific accident in a Brisbane suburb last week, where a woman nearly lost her life, and did lose her leg.  It makes me wonder too - so many young people are causing accidents, so do they call for more scrutiny on them?  Sure, all drivers must have scrutiny.  I am aware that some doctors are afraid to refuse to allow their patients to drive, especially if the aged person believes they are safe.  My 92 year old father is a case in point.  I don't think he should still be driving.

In addition, we learn that older people are being targetted by scammers, especially those who phone to say there is a problem with one's computer and they can fix it.  Scammers.  Hang up, is the best advice and do not tell them anything.

How to Cope with being Widowed

I found this article on the internet and thought it was very interesting.  I often think how men who are widowed can quickly find a woman to take care of them, but so many women  do not find a new partner. How to Cope with being Widowed 

It is certainly something that we do not normally talk about.  I guess it is another of those topics that is difficult to discuss.

RIP - Don and Iris Flounders

An awfully brave couple who have chosen to end their lives with as much dignity as possible.

Sydney Morning Herald article.

Middle Aged People the Most Gloomy

An interesting article and more information to come with a paper to be released in the next few days.  Go to http://www.couriermail.com.au/news/breaking-news/happiness-is-shaped-like-a-u-with-middle-aged-people-the-most-gloomy-study-shows/story-e6freonf-1226040931567 to read it.

I must say it is gloomy reading all the doom, gloom, natural disasters, high cost of living, etc in our papers!!!

Retirement Village Expo

A week or so ago, I was reading the Sunday Mail and saw an advertisement for an Expo on Retirement Villages at Bronco's which is not far from where I am house sitting.  So, I duly visited there that afternoon.  I'd hope that they would have received better patronage than I saw that afternoon, but it was towards the end of the event.

It was refreshing to see some really lovely aged care/retirement facilities on display - not that I am looking for anything for me right now, but I found it interesting. 

I had a long chat with two wonderful ladies who were working on promoting a lovely looking facility on the Sunshine Coast.  I'd move in fairly quickly IF I had the dollars.

One of the ladies phoned me today, (following up as I left my contact details trying to win their raffle!), and we had a another long chat.

There certainly is a poor image of aged care facilities - and I can see from the displays that there are many improvements, but I recognise that there is a buge reluctance on the part of older people to consider leaving their homes and support mechanisms to venture to one of these places.

I was interested to learn that the Sunshine Coast facility has some apartments where people can stay for a few days to get some understanding and experience life there. Still there is much work to be done.

I know with my own parents (Dad almost 92, and Mum almost 96) how they wrestled with the situation.  Mum was really keen quite a few years ago to move into a retirement village, and fought desperately with Dad over it.  He refused.  In part, one of the reasons for my mother's enthusiasm was that she was 'trapped' in their apartment.  She was no longer able to briskly walk to the bus stop to catch a bus, and was reliant on my father to take her places.

I'd not like to say that my father used it as a 'control' of her, but I am sure that is how she felt.  She was often angry that she had to negotiate with him each time she wanted to go out, and she was continually angry that he accompanied her everywhere, even to sitting in a hall waiting for her (and as Mum said, 'chatting up the other ladies').  As is often the case there are more women at social events than men - partly because men are not as social beings as women, and partly so many of the men had passed on earlier.  Women often outlive men!

I do get a feeling that my mother's mental state deteriorated faster because of her anger at the way she had to be so reliant on him.  There had been two ladies living in the apartment block during the 20 plus years they were there, but one died, and the other moved to a nursinghome when her vision deteriorated, so Mum was further isolated.  Dad of course went to bowls often, leaving Mum home alone.

I find it interesting that they both found going out anywhere somewhat of a chore.  For quite a few years they went on monthly trips with a tour group, but several things happened.  Dad was often the only man on the tour, and as he had a good sense of humour, Mum had to 'share' him with the other ladies.  Dad mostly enjoyed the experience, though did express his wish that there would be more men on the trips. Mum did not enjoy sharing him.  However, the factor that stopped the trips was that Mum became slightly disabled as a result of a fall, and she found it impossible to climb the steps to get into, or later out of, the bus.

Dad didn't like driving at night - so that stopped some social activities.  Going to the movies was out - they found the high volumes at theatres too much for them (something I agree with!!!  Why so loud???)

The social support and the real support when health issues occurred would have helped them, but even now, Dad is still determined to stay in his own unit, alone now, as Mum is in the Nursing Home next to where they lived for many years.

Dad is keen to go to another nursing home - as he does not like the one Mum is in (perhaps knows the staff and residents too well, and has no friendship with any resident), but I am not sure how it would work with them being seperated.  Logistically a bit of a night mare.  If they were entrenched in the same facility when Mum deteriorated he could be living in a unit in the facility, and she in the high care section and they could visit, and be independent now their lives were different.  Does that make sense?

I know many folk are having challenges with parents/relatives who refuse to move on, and I understand that moving out of one's familiar home does come with challenges, but life could be so much better in the right facility.

China - and thoughts on death.

I was interested to read an article on China Daily, about this topic.  Australians, Chinese and many other cultures around the world find it difficult to discuss death, and the issues that are raised.  I know if I tell anyone I like reading/writing obituaries, people shy away from me as if I have an unnatural interest in death, or that I am scary to be talking with. 

Sooner or later we will all die - and research, as is noted elsewhere in this blog, indicates that those are prepared for it, and understand it as something that is inevitable, manage much better with the whole process.

The China Daily article has a number of stories - quite interesting.  Click here to read the articles.

We certainly need to be able to discuss our wishes and feel comfortable with this topic - even with our loved ones.

This is worth reading - wisdom from a 90 year old.

This came to me in an email, but it is too good just to forward on.

Written by a 90 year  old
This is something we should all read at least once a  week!!!!! Make sure you read to the end!!!!!!
Written by  Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio  .
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons  life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever  written.
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is  the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still  good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small  step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating  anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick.  Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your  credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every  argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more  healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God.  He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your  first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is  futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up  the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you  cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea  what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to  be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can  change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never  blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17.  Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or  joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you  stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood.  But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it  comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an  answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the  fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is  special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23.  Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24.  The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in  charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called  disaster with these words 'In five years, will this  matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone  everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of  your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time  time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will  change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else  does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you  because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't  do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it  now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying  young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38.  All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get  outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we  all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab  ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all  you need.
42. The best is yet to come...
43. No matter  how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44.  Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a  gift."

(I think we can change No 4 - to read, friends and children)