The Courier Mail today ran a story about the poor standards of some nursing homes in Queensland - I am sure the same could be said for nursing homes across Australia. It is appalling. I have been incensed that our governments spend so much money on education, and totally neglect the older members of our communities. It has been something that I have been talking about for a long time - it is hard. It is hard because one doesn't know that the conditions of your family member is mirrored elsewhere.
Someone suggested we move our mother. What? Despite what we see as her neglect, SHE is somewhat happy and doesn't want another move. We have already moved her in a failed attempt to find better. It was better - but that was in the early days. Family members do fear speaking up lest their relative is badly treated as a result. Staff often do their best - but there is often a lack of training, a lack of staff, a lack of good direction from their superiors and cutting costs at all levels.
Read the article here.
http://www.couriermail.com.au/news/how-aged-care-fails-the-test/comments-e6freon6-1226212749037
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Planning one's death
We are all going to die (pass away, kark it, come to the end of our lives) but it is a topic that we are not comfortable talking about in Australia. If you try to raise the subject with your own children, often they are loath to get into the discussion, as if they do not wish to accept that their seemingly fit and healthy parent/s will somehow no longer be alive on this earth. It is very difficult to raise the subject with one's ageing parents too. Especially as it often starts with "Have you made out a Will?" which might suggest that the person asking is hoping to be the benefactor of one's estate.
The reality is that we can die at any time - yes, even young people die. We should all - well, at least all adults - should make some plans. Everyone!
Yesterday I attended a Parliamentary Committee - a forum where the Parliamentary Committee members listened to what a large number of people with interest in Guardianship Laws - part of the Queensland state Law Reform Commission inquiry.
There were several topics on the table in relation to end of life decisions. One of the participants, a youngish lady with an illness (even if I did remember I would not write it here) but she has a debilitating illness that has killed several members of her family, and when we saw her walk, we could see some of the challenges she lives with. Clearly she wants euthanasia in Australia - and stated that she would go overseas to fulfill her wish, if it was not law in Australia when she felt ready to go.
There was much discussion about Advanced Health Directives - and each state of Australia seems to have a slightly different process. I printed out Queensland's form last night and will set out to complete it over the next few days, and it will go, with other documents, into a file which I will give to a family member. It will be ready when it is needed.
Any Queenslanders looking for the document can click here - Qld Department of Justice document. Read it thoroughly, and print it (about 24 pages) but you can purchase it at some newsagents and other places, and start to fill it out. You will need to take it to your doctor for him/her to fill out a section.
Discuss it with your children, and other members of the family. Let them know what your wishes are should you be incapable of making a decision about your health and make sure they are aware of the storage place of your documents.
There are many documents that you will need to collate - but start with these
- Your last Will and Testament
- Your Advanced Life Directive
- Details about your assets
- A list of some of your favourite things (I'll explain that later)
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Interesting story from New Zealand
An article in the Courier Mail today details the conviction of a South African man in New Zealand who apparently wrote in a manuscript, details about his mother's death.
"INTERNATIONALLY acclaimed microbiologist Sean Davison is calling for a law change in New Zealand after being sentenced to five months' home detention for counselling and procuring his mother's suicide."
http://www.couriermail.com.au/news/breaking-news/suicide-assist-scientist-sean-davison-seeks-nz-law-change/story-e6freonf-1226204563628
"INTERNATIONALLY acclaimed microbiologist Sean Davison is calling for a law change in New Zealand after being sentenced to five months' home detention for counselling and procuring his mother's suicide."
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Death toll rises
Around nine people have died as a result of the fire - and a registered nurse has been charged with murder - it is alleged he started the fire. Really just a horrible story.
Aged care beds are in short supply and there are some 90 people who have had to be moved to alternate premises, and the staff have been offered jobs elsewhere. I can only imagine how traumatised they would all be.
As well as that those who have had to help with the aftermath of the fire - police, ambulance, firies would all be challenged by the experience.
Aged care beds are in short supply and there are some 90 people who have had to be moved to alternate premises, and the staff have been offered jobs elsewhere. I can only imagine how traumatised they would all be.
As well as that those who have had to help with the aftermath of the fire - police, ambulance, firies would all be challenged by the experience.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Horrific Nursing Home Fire
A terrible tragedy has occurred in New South Wales this morning, where a fire has broken out around 5 am in a nursing home which houses some 100 residents. I have watched some of the footage on Channel 9 News this morning, where representatives of Fire, Police and Ambulance services have detailed what is know so far. Still residents are being transported to hospitals in the area - with 100 residents it would be an enormous task.
The number of nursing staff on duty at that hour of day would be minimal, and from all accounts Fire Brigades were present within 6 minutes of the alarms going off (local fire station was close by) and the firies had a terrible job of trying to find their way through the smoke filled rooms where visibility was nil, to rescue those inside.
It is one of the nightmares of working in these facilities, especially at night, as there are limited staff, residents in bed and most certainly not mobile enough to get themselves out safely.
From all accounts so far, it has been a quick and efficient rescue of residents, though sadly some have already died, and no doubt some elderly in hospital with burns or smoke inhalation will have some challenges in the immediate future.
My heart goes out to all involved in this tragedy, especially the nursing staff on duty at the time. It certainly is one of the worst nightmares.
The number of nursing staff on duty at that hour of day would be minimal, and from all accounts Fire Brigades were present within 6 minutes of the alarms going off (local fire station was close by) and the firies had a terrible job of trying to find their way through the smoke filled rooms where visibility was nil, to rescue those inside.
It is one of the nightmares of working in these facilities, especially at night, as there are limited staff, residents in bed and most certainly not mobile enough to get themselves out safely.
From all accounts so far, it has been a quick and efficient rescue of residents, though sadly some have already died, and no doubt some elderly in hospital with burns or smoke inhalation will have some challenges in the immediate future.
My heart goes out to all involved in this tragedy, especially the nursing staff on duty at the time. It certainly is one of the worst nightmares.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Dad in a Bag
When my father passed away in July, his remains were cremated. We have only just collected 'him' from the funeral director, so that we could place his ashes, according to his wishes, in the rose garden of his much loved rose garden.
He was handed to me in a brown paper bag, in which was the plastic 'urn' with his ashes. I strapped it into the back seat of the car.
It was strange having him in the car - and I chatted to him as I drove. I said to him "Can you believe you are in a brown paper shopping bag." and other things, about what was happening in the family since he left us.
We were not sure where the rose garden was, and initially planned to scatter the ashes in another place where there were roses, but a search of the bowling club revealed this garden, which clearly was the intended space, so my sister and I too turns scattering the ashes among the rose bushes.
He was handed to me in a brown paper bag, in which was the plastic 'urn' with his ashes. I strapped it into the back seat of the car.
It was strange having him in the car - and I chatted to him as I drove. I said to him "Can you believe you are in a brown paper shopping bag." and other things, about what was happening in the family since he left us.
We were not sure where the rose garden was, and initially planned to scatter the ashes in another place where there were roses, but a search of the bowling club revealed this garden, which clearly was the intended space, so my sister and I too turns scattering the ashes among the rose bushes.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Silenced
In the last few days I have had informal discussions with a number of people about the state of 'Aged Care' in Australia. All have been silent supporters of Euthanasia. All have spoken of their plans for a dignified end of their lives, and I've heard a raft of unrealistic plans for ending their lives. No one wants to go into a nursing home.
One discussion was about the way we Australians are silenced as a community. People feel intimidated discussing the topic, intimidated by 'the government' and the Christian lobby. But neither the Governments nor the Christian lobby have come up with a solution that removes the risk of spending one's last days in pain, discomfort or with dignity.
Listen to the story of a woman in South Australia who suffers from Multiple Sclerosis, and of the issue as discussed in the state earlier this year. Click here
From Exit International's website
"VOLUNTARY euthanasia is illegal in all states and territories in Australia but attempts are being made in South Australia and Tasmania to change these laws.
A Bill has been put to the South Australian Parliament to provide a medical defence for doctors who provide treatment which shortens a patient's life.
Euthanasia advocate Dr Philip Nitschke said multiple Bills had been put to the South Australian Parliament in the past and although all had failed, the outcome had been closer each time.
He said there was no movement to legalise voluntary euthanasia in Queensland and those caught helping someone commit suicide could face life in jail."
Why not discuss the issue with you friends and family, and lobby your state parliamentarians?
To find out more about Exit International click here or type
www.exitinternational.net
One discussion was about the way we Australians are silenced as a community. People feel intimidated discussing the topic, intimidated by 'the government' and the Christian lobby. But neither the Governments nor the Christian lobby have come up with a solution that removes the risk of spending one's last days in pain, discomfort or with dignity.
Listen to the story of a woman in South Australia who suffers from Multiple Sclerosis, and of the issue as discussed in the state earlier this year. Click here
From Exit International's website
"VOLUNTARY euthanasia is illegal in all states and territories in Australia but attempts are being made in South Australia and Tasmania to change these laws.
A Bill has been put to the South Australian Parliament to provide a medical defence for doctors who provide treatment which shortens a patient's life.
Euthanasia advocate Dr Philip Nitschke said multiple Bills had been put to the South Australian Parliament in the past and although all had failed, the outcome had been closer each time.
He said there was no movement to legalise voluntary euthanasia in Queensland and those caught helping someone commit suicide could face life in jail."
Why not discuss the issue with you friends and family, and lobby your state parliamentarians?
To find out more about Exit International click here or type
www.exitinternational.net
Monday, October 31, 2011
Discussions, discussions
I attended the forum on Aged Care, and told a little of our experiences with Aged Care with mum and dad, and since then I have been to Adelaide. (Mum celebrated her 96th birthday!) and I have had discussions with one of the staff at her nursing home and a recently retired Director of Nursing back here in Brisbane.
There's no doubt that there are major problems in Aged Care in Australia. The picture is pretty bleak.
Currently there are not enough Aged Care beds, not enough money in the system and not enough staff.
Many nursing homes have carers who have come to Australia from other countries. I'm bound to sound a little racist here - but there are major problems where staff come from a different culture.
The reality is, that there must be a major shakeup in the Aged Care Industry. One issue is of course very sensitive and highly emotive, but do we consider some sort of euthanasia? I don't know how many people (in the industry as well as out of it) say that 'we let sick animals die with some dignity, but not humans!'
I have heard two women claim that they have arranged for their daughter "to give them a pill" to end their life, but as I have warned them that they may be sending their daughters to prison, or with guilt that affects them badly. No, I do think we have to take notice more of people like Dr Philip Nitsche who advocates 'Voluntary Euthanasia'.
Surely people with no or very low quality of life should be given the opportunity to die with dignity.
There's no doubt that there are major problems in Aged Care in Australia. The picture is pretty bleak.
Currently there are not enough Aged Care beds, not enough money in the system and not enough staff.
Many nursing homes have carers who have come to Australia from other countries. I'm bound to sound a little racist here - but there are major problems where staff come from a different culture.
The reality is, that there must be a major shakeup in the Aged Care Industry. One issue is of course very sensitive and highly emotive, but do we consider some sort of euthanasia? I don't know how many people (in the industry as well as out of it) say that 'we let sick animals die with some dignity, but not humans!'
I have heard two women claim that they have arranged for their daughter "to give them a pill" to end their life, but as I have warned them that they may be sending their daughters to prison, or with guilt that affects them badly. No, I do think we have to take notice more of people like Dr Philip Nitsche who advocates 'Voluntary Euthanasia'.
Surely people with no or very low quality of life should be given the opportunity to die with dignity.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Forum on Ageing
Next week I am off to a form on Ageing with Ross Vasta, MP, and Senator Concetta Fierravanti-Wells, the Shadow Minister for Ageing and Mental Health. That should be very interesting.
There is plenty of discussion and information about future plans for Aged Care and other topics in this field, so I am keen to learn more about what is in the pipeline by the Government.
Funny, I heard on the ABC Radio this morning an interview with the tommy Murphy who wrote "Gwen in Purgatory" - really inspired me to consider writing about older people and the challenges they create for their families.
There is plenty of discussion and information about future plans for Aged Care and other topics in this field, so I am keen to learn more about what is in the pipeline by the Government.
Funny, I heard on the ABC Radio this morning an interview with the tommy Murphy who wrote "Gwen in Purgatory" - really inspired me to consider writing about older people and the challenges they create for their families.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
The future of Aged CAre
I have been reading the October/November copy of 50 Something - Australia's widest circulating Over-50's magazine. As usual has some good articles. One of them is about the reform to Australia's Aged Care.
There was a Productivity Commission report handed down in August and the Minister for Ageing, Mark Butler is holding 'invitation-only forums across the country to garner the public response to these proposals.
One can go to the report at www.pc.gov.au/projects/inquiry/aged-care/report, and also you can send their ideas and thoughts to npo@nationalseniors.com.au
Clearly some of the major issues are around funding, staffing, quality of care, continuity of care, having a skilled workforce. I will go and read the report when I have a little more time, and probably a glass of wine in my hand too - as I'll probably need it to settle me down.
One of the issues that is very important - partly because I have been digging around in the mire and confusion of nursing homes for the last year or so, and there are some issues that are in need of discussing more.
I know cost is one of the big issues, but I can tell you that the cost to families of trying to cope with the documentation, the confusion (you will be told one thing my someone in an organisation, and something else by another person in the same organisation), and the transition for the family of getting someone from their home to a care facility.
I've worked in aged care, and many facilities are depressing, lonely places. Staffing is a big issue of course, but I can see that we can change that. Not easily of course but it can be changed. Of course higher pay will attract more people, but we need to attract more of the right sort of people. People who really care. Care. It is a word bandied around.
I see my mother in a nursing home. Staff call her by her first name, and are extremely familiar with her. I am not sure she is comfortable with this. But she is lonely - and few people visit her. At 96 (on October 27th) she's outlived her family and friends - her husband (my father) died in July. My sister works, and of the four grand children only one lives in the same city. My only sister works full time, and long hours and I live in another state.
My mother does get to shop anymore. (OK, we don't allow her to keep any cash as like other things (clothes, jewelry etc) it will be stolen.) Perhaps by other demented residents, or staff. Who knows?
My mother just wants someone to talk with - most of her fellow residents are not capable. She wants to go places - but there are limited opportunities for activities. There's no garden to walk in, and she does lone circuits of the place. No one sees children - very rarely do they visit.
We wonder why older people don't want to go to these places, but they are surely 'locked away' from the rest of the community. I understand that for safety reasons many must be confined, but surely a facility should not resemble a prison so closely. In fact, most older people would be better off in prison. Better facilities I think for some of them in prison, than in some homes.
I am impressed that in the NT a facility is being built where the elders will be housed as part of the wider community. I do think we need to 'rethink' our seniors care.
I'm in favour of some sort of 'national service' - where young people are committed to a year or two serving the community. I'm not in favour of compulsory military service as such, but a disciplined approach, not unlike a military camp but where young people learn skills, learn to work in a disciplined 'workforce' and at the same time can put their time in helping in the community - with such things as aged care, community activities, working with meals on wheels, helping at schools, keeping Australia clean and beautiful, and so on.
Now wouldn't that make a difference. I know some countries have compulsory 'national service' - I had friends in South Korea where almost everyone does military service and they were so proud to have done, it and they learned so much. I certainly don't advocate military service in Australia but I am sure that we could find useful learning and opportunities to use new found skills.
I rant.
There was a Productivity Commission report handed down in August and the Minister for Ageing, Mark Butler is holding 'invitation-only forums across the country to garner the public response to these proposals.
One can go to the report at www.pc.gov.au/projects/inquiry/aged-care/report, and also you can send their ideas and thoughts to npo@nationalseniors.com.au
Clearly some of the major issues are around funding, staffing, quality of care, continuity of care, having a skilled workforce. I will go and read the report when I have a little more time, and probably a glass of wine in my hand too - as I'll probably need it to settle me down.
One of the issues that is very important - partly because I have been digging around in the mire and confusion of nursing homes for the last year or so, and there are some issues that are in need of discussing more.
I know cost is one of the big issues, but I can tell you that the cost to families of trying to cope with the documentation, the confusion (you will be told one thing my someone in an organisation, and something else by another person in the same organisation), and the transition for the family of getting someone from their home to a care facility.
I've worked in aged care, and many facilities are depressing, lonely places. Staffing is a big issue of course, but I can see that we can change that. Not easily of course but it can be changed. Of course higher pay will attract more people, but we need to attract more of the right sort of people. People who really care. Care. It is a word bandied around.
I see my mother in a nursing home. Staff call her by her first name, and are extremely familiar with her. I am not sure she is comfortable with this. But she is lonely - and few people visit her. At 96 (on October 27th) she's outlived her family and friends - her husband (my father) died in July. My sister works, and of the four grand children only one lives in the same city. My only sister works full time, and long hours and I live in another state.
My mother does get to shop anymore. (OK, we don't allow her to keep any cash as like other things (clothes, jewelry etc) it will be stolen.) Perhaps by other demented residents, or staff. Who knows?
My mother just wants someone to talk with - most of her fellow residents are not capable. She wants to go places - but there are limited opportunities for activities. There's no garden to walk in, and she does lone circuits of the place. No one sees children - very rarely do they visit.
We wonder why older people don't want to go to these places, but they are surely 'locked away' from the rest of the community. I understand that for safety reasons many must be confined, but surely a facility should not resemble a prison so closely. In fact, most older people would be better off in prison. Better facilities I think for some of them in prison, than in some homes.
I am impressed that in the NT a facility is being built where the elders will be housed as part of the wider community. I do think we need to 'rethink' our seniors care.
I'm in favour of some sort of 'national service' - where young people are committed to a year or two serving the community. I'm not in favour of compulsory military service as such, but a disciplined approach, not unlike a military camp but where young people learn skills, learn to work in a disciplined 'workforce' and at the same time can put their time in helping in the community - with such things as aged care, community activities, working with meals on wheels, helping at schools, keeping Australia clean and beautiful, and so on.
Now wouldn't that make a difference. I know some countries have compulsory 'national service' - I had friends in South Korea where almost everyone does military service and they were so proud to have done, it and they learned so much. I certainly don't advocate military service in Australia but I am sure that we could find useful learning and opportunities to use new found skills.
I rant.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Keys, Security and Confusion
My father was pedantic about security – such that he had a plethora of keys, locks, and confusion. There were keys everywhere. He had bunches of keys. The bunches of car keys (there were two that I have found) had they car key, and remote – (which hasn’t worked for some years), the key to the steering wheel lock, and other key for something we have not determined.
The house keys were on another bunch – some of them were marked with Dymo. FSD meant ‘front screen door’, FD was the front door, and BD was the back door. As well there was a number of other keys for which we have not found doors or locks.
At the front door there was a security screen door (FSD), and a timber door with two locks. One was the one for FD, but the other did not have a key, and pity help anyone who accidentally turned the knob at the back of the door locking it. Which is what either he or mum did at one stage, and one can see the scratches where he tried to cut the glass window to get in. (I’ve never understood why he didn’t just smash the window – if he was going to break it anyway.....)
Also there are keys to each window, and each door. Some keys are ‘hidden’ on tops of wardrobes – and yes, he locked his wardrobe, though to be fair it was the only way the doors remained shut. It had no other device to keep the door closed.
In a way it indicates to me the concern for their own security that my parents had. But they were ‘over the top’ – and it did in the end, risk their own security.
Mum, as her dementia progressed, became increasingly confused – and agitated by it all. Dad on the other hand focussed on their security with a passion and determination that was worrying. When there was a murder (and I think still unsolved) just a few streets away, he was especially concerned. There are bolts on gates, padlocks, and yes, of course more keys.
Dad was also ‘tight’ with his money. The idea of having some locks ‘keyed alike’ would have been a challenge to him. It cost less to copy a key or keys, than to have some ‘keyed alike’, so that was his choice.
My sister and I, and I am sure others, were concerned should there be a fire. It would not be easy to unlock all the doors to escape – and I am aware that this has been an issue with other people in such emergencies.
Perhaps we need a government program to assist families, especially older or at risk families or individuals with security.
Another issue I am aware of is the smoke alarm issue. Certainly I agree that we should all have them – but I know there are issues, especially as the batteries run down. So many older or frail people have challenges with them, especially changing the batteries. You need someone with a ladder, and the ability to climb the ladder to change the battery if it is correctly placed on the ceiling!!!! So, sometimes, people make bad choices about these alarms – either disconnecting them permanently or not putting new batteries in correctly. I know Dad changed all the batteries in February this year, as all have labels on them, written in his favourite red ink, giving the date the batteries were changed. I am not sure if this 91 year old was the one that changed the batteries, climbing on a ladder to access the alarms on the ceiling!
So sad. Can someone invent an easier way to keep these alarms fully operational without risking life and limb? Can we have a program to assist families to be secure at home, without having bunches of keys? I would guess that in all there are at least 30 keys in use in my parents unit. Bizarre!!!
(I must say that in 2008, when my husband was mowing the lawn, someone sneaked into the house, which was not locked, and took phone, wallet, camera etc, he went overboard with security, and I needed two keys to get out of the house!!! I was not happy!!!)
I am finding it interesting looking closer inside cupboards, and inside the life that my parents lived in this unit for so many years. They refused to accept much advice from their daughters – quite touchy really as the place was really in need of some extra TLC!
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Dealing with 'Family Matters'
Since Dad passed away on July 14th, there has been a lot of mail in relation to our father's life, and as my sister not only holds the "Power of Attorney" for our mother but is the local family member. Mum is certainly not capable of dealing with any of the business side of things. In fact, she still does not understand that Dad has died. There are fleeting moments when she can be rational about it, but for the most part, she is just angry with him for not visiting, and she makes up terrible stories about what she suspects he is doing. Sad.
I am staying in the unit that Mum and Dad have lived in for over 20 years, and cleaning it out. Mum will never come back here to live, so we must either sell it or rent it.
It is interesting 'going through Dad's things. I think I have written about the way Dad downsized - he certainly did prepare but we are dismayed by what he disposed of, and what he kept. Some things seem quite bizarre. The kitchen cupboards are bare. He kept a couple of saucepans, a meagre supply of crockery and cutlery, and a few miserable items of food in the fridge.
I am amazed at the number of pairs of shoes that he had. Good quality shoes - I'd love to have had so many. All of his clothes will be donated to charity - and there are quite a lot to go!
We have received Dad's death certificate and I have made copies for the various organisations that need a copy, and I have a number of people to contact, things to do.
Yesterday I went to the movies. I've detailed that here.
I am also preparing for the inevitable demise of our mother. We will be more organised next time.
I am staying in the unit that Mum and Dad have lived in for over 20 years, and cleaning it out. Mum will never come back here to live, so we must either sell it or rent it.
It is interesting 'going through Dad's things. I think I have written about the way Dad downsized - he certainly did prepare but we are dismayed by what he disposed of, and what he kept. Some things seem quite bizarre. The kitchen cupboards are bare. He kept a couple of saucepans, a meagre supply of crockery and cutlery, and a few miserable items of food in the fridge.
I am amazed at the number of pairs of shoes that he had. Good quality shoes - I'd love to have had so many. All of his clothes will be donated to charity - and there are quite a lot to go!
We have received Dad's death certificate and I have made copies for the various organisations that need a copy, and I have a number of people to contact, things to do.
Yesterday I went to the movies. I've detailed that here.
I am also preparing for the inevitable demise of our mother. We will be more organised next time.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Old? Me?
Don't we hate the idea of getting old!!! I am thinking today (with a wry smile on my face) of some of the things my father said. He was 2 days short of his 92nd, birthday when he died - and had been in an aged care facility for the last few weeks of his life. Almost one year previously he was in the most difficult situation having to put his wife, our mother, in a nursing home, due to her deteriorating mental state. At almost 95 she was really having difficulty mentally - forgetting things, being annoyed by things that normally would not bother her, etc.
I don't know when or if my parents had last visited a nursing home. I do remember we used to visit Mum's aunts in a nursing home many, many years ago. I remember it well, but in recent times, I don't recall that they had. When Mum went into the nursing home, Dad was appalled at so many 'old' people there. I do think he actually meant old and terribly disabled - as some clearly remained in bed all the time. Even Mum's room mate sat in a chair all day and never spoke. She'd look at us with a strange half smile when we spoke. There was a one legged man who pushed his wheelchair around, and various other men and women in advanced stages of 'decay'. Dad hated it.
Mum, however, felt safe and comfortable there. (Oddly enough only today I have heard of another lady who recently went to a nursing home and feels safe and comfortable there - without being berated by HER husband who could not cope with her dementia. He'd even hit and bruised her!)
Dad would never have hurt my mother, and until she went into the home, he was always arguing with her about her mistakes. No wonder she found the nursing home to be some sort of a haven. Dad did continue to berate her, especially when she got mixed up. She'd say she visited her mother (but Dad knew that she had died almost 30 years ago) but he would argue with her - telling her she was stupid etc. He never could understand and just let her tell her stories without interrupting or correcting her. It used to make them both angry, but he couldn't stop.
Dad had meticulously prepared for his demise. He had a funeral fund - though clearly had no idea how much the modest funeral would cost. Some things he had done - we knew where he wanted his final service, and we knew the funeral director, and he had had his will done. Some things though I wish he had told us - his favourite music - (though read the ps for that), and other things that might have helped us in our hours after his death having to come to terms with some decisions.
But he didn't plan to get old, and he hated that his body was showing signs of wear and tear and that nothing seemed to slow down, for him, the ravages of old age. I think we all are in that position. From the day we are born we are heading to old age - though some sadly don't make it very far, and others take too long to get there.
And in the nursing home, Dad hated being surrounded by 'old people' as if he was there under some sort of strange guise that made him different from the others. That he had most of his mental faculties probably did make him different, though in the few short days I was visiting him, I met old blokes learning how to 'surf the net' - so they weren't all mental basket cases.
I had asked Dad about his favourite music just a day or so before he died, and he started singing "Silver Threads and Golden Needles" and he said it was his favourite. When we checked on the words, we decided it was not suitable for a funeral. So we had to choose something.
So some tips about this.
Make a collection (or a short Powerpoint presentation) of photos. Find old photos, and recent ones, and include as many good ones or ones with appropriate family members. (We were busily scanning photos and working on the presentation just hours before the service and had to buy a scanner because no one we knew had one!)
I don't know when or if my parents had last visited a nursing home. I do remember we used to visit Mum's aunts in a nursing home many, many years ago. I remember it well, but in recent times, I don't recall that they had. When Mum went into the nursing home, Dad was appalled at so many 'old' people there. I do think he actually meant old and terribly disabled - as some clearly remained in bed all the time. Even Mum's room mate sat in a chair all day and never spoke. She'd look at us with a strange half smile when we spoke. There was a one legged man who pushed his wheelchair around, and various other men and women in advanced stages of 'decay'. Dad hated it.
Mum, however, felt safe and comfortable there. (Oddly enough only today I have heard of another lady who recently went to a nursing home and feels safe and comfortable there - without being berated by HER husband who could not cope with her dementia. He'd even hit and bruised her!)
Dad would never have hurt my mother, and until she went into the home, he was always arguing with her about her mistakes. No wonder she found the nursing home to be some sort of a haven. Dad did continue to berate her, especially when she got mixed up. She'd say she visited her mother (but Dad knew that she had died almost 30 years ago) but he would argue with her - telling her she was stupid etc. He never could understand and just let her tell her stories without interrupting or correcting her. It used to make them both angry, but he couldn't stop.
Dad had meticulously prepared for his demise. He had a funeral fund - though clearly had no idea how much the modest funeral would cost. Some things he had done - we knew where he wanted his final service, and we knew the funeral director, and he had had his will done. Some things though I wish he had told us - his favourite music - (though read the ps for that), and other things that might have helped us in our hours after his death having to come to terms with some decisions.
But he didn't plan to get old, and he hated that his body was showing signs of wear and tear and that nothing seemed to slow down, for him, the ravages of old age. I think we all are in that position. From the day we are born we are heading to old age - though some sadly don't make it very far, and others take too long to get there.
And in the nursing home, Dad hated being surrounded by 'old people' as if he was there under some sort of strange guise that made him different from the others. That he had most of his mental faculties probably did make him different, though in the few short days I was visiting him, I met old blokes learning how to 'surf the net' - so they weren't all mental basket cases.
I had asked Dad about his favourite music just a day or so before he died, and he started singing "Silver Threads and Golden Needles" and he said it was his favourite. When we checked on the words, we decided it was not suitable for a funeral. So we had to choose something.
So some tips about this.
- Don't wait until you or your relative is on their death bed - make not of some of these things as soon as possible
- Favourite colour
- Favourite music
- Favourite things
Make a collection (or a short Powerpoint presentation) of photos. Find old photos, and recent ones, and include as many good ones or ones with appropriate family members. (We were busily scanning photos and working on the presentation just hours before the service and had to buy a scanner because no one we knew had one!)
Sunday, July 24, 2011
What a week!!!
I will write about preparing for a loved one's funeral - something we can all do, even though there may be no pending death in the family. There is so little time to do much in the short hectic days after a loved one passes.
The day after my father died, we were still busy advising friends and family, and we had a meeting with the funeral director. Dad had not wanted to have a church service - he was very supportive of mum's church involvement, but thought it would be hypocritical to have a religious ceremony. All arrangements were made for a service at Centenial Park - with the Funeral Celebrant from the Funeral Home that dad had listed. We were so happy with everything with the Celebrant - except one thing. We certainly underestimated the numbers that would attend the service. Over the weekend when we further contemplated the numbers, we were scared the small Mawson Chapel would be too small. But we could not change it. We had calls from people who had seen the death notice in the paper, with messages of support and advice that they would attend the service. We had been told that it was a Pennants day at bowls, so though the bowls contingent would not be large. As it turned out it was not Pennants day, and friends and family came from interstate. Older folk that we thought might have difficulty attending came - with carers, and the whole event was much much bigger than we imagined.
We had worked out the ceremony with various family members speaking - and I was 'thrown in' at the last minute, though I had written down some things to say. All of Dad's 4 grandchildren attended and spoke at the service, my son sang "Amazing Grace' and two great grandchildren spoke.
One thing that we had not contemplated was having to witness that the body was indeed that of our father. He was done up so well, in his suit, with his glasses on. While it was emotional to see him like that, he looked peaceful and proud.
Afterwards we met a sea of family and friends, many of whom I did not know or recognise. Being from interstate I seldom see family members, so to meet up with some I had not set eyes on for some 40 years was extra ordinary.
One woman asked me if I remembered her - but I didn't. It was my little friend from next door - whom I had not seen since 1963!!! She had her father had travelled a long way to be there. I was quite overwhelmed.
We had tea and biscuits at Centennial Park, and some of the close family went to my sister's place and had a few drinks for dad too.
We had told mum about the death of her husband of over 60 years, but made a decision that she should not go to the service. It was a hard one to make, but we do think we did the wise thing. She is not exactly grasping the whole situation, and we thought it would be too difficult for her.
The day after my father died, we were still busy advising friends and family, and we had a meeting with the funeral director. Dad had not wanted to have a church service - he was very supportive of mum's church involvement, but thought it would be hypocritical to have a religious ceremony. All arrangements were made for a service at Centenial Park - with the Funeral Celebrant from the Funeral Home that dad had listed. We were so happy with everything with the Celebrant - except one thing. We certainly underestimated the numbers that would attend the service. Over the weekend when we further contemplated the numbers, we were scared the small Mawson Chapel would be too small. But we could not change it. We had calls from people who had seen the death notice in the paper, with messages of support and advice that they would attend the service. We had been told that it was a Pennants day at bowls, so though the bowls contingent would not be large. As it turned out it was not Pennants day, and friends and family came from interstate. Older folk that we thought might have difficulty attending came - with carers, and the whole event was much much bigger than we imagined.
We had worked out the ceremony with various family members speaking - and I was 'thrown in' at the last minute, though I had written down some things to say. All of Dad's 4 grandchildren attended and spoke at the service, my son sang "Amazing Grace' and two great grandchildren spoke.
One thing that we had not contemplated was having to witness that the body was indeed that of our father. He was done up so well, in his suit, with his glasses on. While it was emotional to see him like that, he looked peaceful and proud.
Afterwards we met a sea of family and friends, many of whom I did not know or recognise. Being from interstate I seldom see family members, so to meet up with some I had not set eyes on for some 40 years was extra ordinary.
One woman asked me if I remembered her - but I didn't. It was my little friend from next door - whom I had not seen since 1963!!! She had her father had travelled a long way to be there. I was quite overwhelmed.
We had tea and biscuits at Centennial Park, and some of the close family went to my sister's place and had a few drinks for dad too.
We had told mum about the death of her husband of over 60 years, but made a decision that she should not go to the service. It was a hard one to make, but we do think we did the wise thing. She is not exactly grasping the whole situation, and we thought it would be too difficult for her.
Friday, July 15, 2011
The journey nears the end
I returned to Adelaide, where my father's health continued to decline. He was in a small nursing home, in respite, but with hopes to go to another. He'd set his heart on this home, but had not put in place the process to get there - in part due to his fear of losing his money, and refusal to accept the consequences of ageing. But he had done volunteer work there - as a member of the Brighton Lions Club, and was well known in the area.
As a family we found the machinations of dealing with government agencies, nursing homes etc etc to be quite a minefield. There seemed to be mounds of paperwork to complete, and misinformation from all directions. We'd get a letter saying "a" would happen, and then a phone call that said that was not the case, but that "b" would occur. We felt there was hositilities or at least misunderstandings between hospital/nursing homes. Nothing went smoothly. I wonder how traumatised people would become dealing with all of this.
Bit by bit - we moved onward through the mire, trying to accept the confusion of it all. It was not helped by the fact that daughter number one was in Brisbane, daughter number 2 was in Adelaide but worked full time, and found dealing with the bureacracy of it all too much to handle. And it was.
My mother is in a nursing home, and dealing with her and the issues surrounding father were difficult too. Should we tell her? What do we tell her? What will be the consequences of telling her.
It was the day that he died that we had told her that he was sick. As I write this, we have yet to tell her of his passing.
For the most part everyone we have dealt with in the hospitals has been caring - but the manner that some of the 'admin' people have spoke to us has been somewhat off putting. I won't go into it right now, but there are a lot of 'assumptions' - resulting in confusion.
One has little choice but to take a deep breath and plunge onward through it all - for the sake of the loved one.
The cost of it all - in money and emotional is high. But should it be all so traumatic for the family? Surely not.
As a family we found the machinations of dealing with government agencies, nursing homes etc etc to be quite a minefield. There seemed to be mounds of paperwork to complete, and misinformation from all directions. We'd get a letter saying "a" would happen, and then a phone call that said that was not the case, but that "b" would occur. We felt there was hositilities or at least misunderstandings between hospital/nursing homes. Nothing went smoothly. I wonder how traumatised people would become dealing with all of this.
Bit by bit - we moved onward through the mire, trying to accept the confusion of it all. It was not helped by the fact that daughter number one was in Brisbane, daughter number 2 was in Adelaide but worked full time, and found dealing with the bureacracy of it all too much to handle. And it was.
My mother is in a nursing home, and dealing with her and the issues surrounding father were difficult too. Should we tell her? What do we tell her? What will be the consequences of telling her.
It was the day that he died that we had told her that he was sick. As I write this, we have yet to tell her of his passing.
For the most part everyone we have dealt with in the hospitals has been caring - but the manner that some of the 'admin' people have spoke to us has been somewhat off putting. I won't go into it right now, but there are a lot of 'assumptions' - resulting in confusion.
One has little choice but to take a deep breath and plunge onward through it all - for the sake of the loved one.
The cost of it all - in money and emotional is high. But should it be all so traumatic for the family? Surely not.
Monday, July 11, 2011
The end is nigh.................
I left Adelaide on July 1st - just 10 days ago, knowing that I may not see my father alive. At the time he was determined to live on, and as he can do, he fought hard, but it is not to be.
I have booked to go back tomorrow morning - and the chances I will be alive are slim. He has told my sister he is ready to go. It has been very distressing for her and her daughter and son, and we are all somewhat fragile.
My daughter and her children are still going to Adelaide on Thursday, but he has asked that the children not see him. He wants them to remember him in the 'good times.'
We are of the opinion not to tell my mother - whose dementia is such that she is unaware of what is going on outside the walls of her haven - the nursing home.
She does not even comment on not seeing her husband of over 60 years - she thinks he comes every two or three days, and now it is more like four weeks since he has seen her. Even when we visit, she is wonderful, but she forgets we came, soon after. It is hard for everyone but she is doing well physically, and we may not tell her anything of the events.
I think too of the fact that as one of the last of a large family - he is the 'last one standing' so to speak - and even cousins are too fragile health wise to attend his farewell - his funeral. His friends have passed too. There are few left. Strange really, and that his wife will not be there either.
He's lived a long and fruitful life, but it is almost over.
I have booked to go back tomorrow morning - and the chances I will be alive are slim. He has told my sister he is ready to go. It has been very distressing for her and her daughter and son, and we are all somewhat fragile.
My daughter and her children are still going to Adelaide on Thursday, but he has asked that the children not see him. He wants them to remember him in the 'good times.'
We are of the opinion not to tell my mother - whose dementia is such that she is unaware of what is going on outside the walls of her haven - the nursing home.
She does not even comment on not seeing her husband of over 60 years - she thinks he comes every two or three days, and now it is more like four weeks since he has seen her. Even when we visit, she is wonderful, but she forgets we came, soon after. It is hard for everyone but she is doing well physically, and we may not tell her anything of the events.
I think too of the fact that as one of the last of a large family - he is the 'last one standing' so to speak - and even cousins are too fragile health wise to attend his farewell - his funeral. His friends have passed too. There are few left. Strange really, and that his wife will not be there either.
He's lived a long and fruitful life, but it is almost over.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Mixed Emotions
We are so proud of our parents (my sister and I) as they have had (until recent times) a good long life. Certainly had its challenges at times, but they are stoic and determined and have done pretty well.
But in their declining years, the challenges really make life difficult. Mum is physically fit, but dementia has claimed her. She now lives in a nursing home, completely happy as all is done for her, and she lives our days out doing very little, but considering herself very busy working for the government. She told me a few days ago that she was at the races at nearby Seacliff racetrack (there may have been a racetrack there, but it would have been 70 years ago), and that she was telling someone (her grand daughter) that she was pregnant. (We've had a good laugh at that - even she thought it was funny.)
Dad on the other hand, who was until a few weeks ago living in their unit right next door to the nursing home, was mentally alert, but physically going down hill. He's weathered cancer and complications from the medication, but in the end it was more depression, and his heart that made it impossible to continue living at home.
He has had several 'heart attacks' and is clearly depressed - and other than make him as comfortable as possible, there is little else that can be done. He is 92 in a couple of weeks time.
He has been in and out of hospital for the last three weeks and keen to go to a nursing home - though not to the one where mother is. There was a vacant bed next to mum, but we knew that constant bickering would get them both 'down'. Dad always argues with mum - as he contradicts her, and tell her that the stories she relates are not true. Result? Massive tension between the two.
While many who know dad consider that mentally he is ok - well, he is to some degree, and you can have a more sensible conversation with him, than with mum, but he repeats himself over and over and over, and is in denial about his situation. Despite the advice he's been given he can never allow mum to talk about the fantasy life she is living. The disputes are uncomfortable to witness.
His preferred aged care home has no vacancy, and he had to be discharged from the hospital, so after much 'mucking around' we found a bed for him, quite close to where he has lived most of his life, and consequently not far from his shrinking circle of friends.
When I saw it the other day I saw quite a few reasonable alert people around, and was assured that the were some guys who were mentally alert, but he's already depressed about the place. He saw all the 'oldies' sitting in their wheelchairs watching television, and he and my sister have agreed that it is not suitable for him.
OMG! As one that has been frequently in these places as a visitor and as an aged care trainer in the past, I saw the establishment as one of the best I have seen. It was relatively new, open and clean and surrounded by gardens.
All Dad and my sister have seen is the old people - and dad doesn't want to associate with them. In fact he doesn't have to but he might be there for several weeks, or even months until there is a vacancy.
The reality is that dad is declining, and fairly fast if he does not manage to 'pull himself out of it' - and the depression is what is causing the problem.
He cannot accept that his longevity, along with his health issues, renders him pretty much like the others in such places. He sees himself (and it is not snobbery as such) as being better than the others. He doesn't see the old man that he is.
Well, I am back in Brisbane. I did all I could do in the five days I had in Adelaide, and I'd love to have done more but it was a rush to do everything as it was.
I am sure the fear of his days ending sometime soon, is what is behind the depression, and he worries about our mother, who is incredibly comfortable where she is. Family members will continue to keep visiting them.
We will try to do the best for them both. It is hard on everyone - and especially them, although mum worries not about it. Dad is (and always has been) the worrier.
But in their declining years, the challenges really make life difficult. Mum is physically fit, but dementia has claimed her. She now lives in a nursing home, completely happy as all is done for her, and she lives our days out doing very little, but considering herself very busy working for the government. She told me a few days ago that she was at the races at nearby Seacliff racetrack (there may have been a racetrack there, but it would have been 70 years ago), and that she was telling someone (her grand daughter) that she was pregnant. (We've had a good laugh at that - even she thought it was funny.)
Dad on the other hand, who was until a few weeks ago living in their unit right next door to the nursing home, was mentally alert, but physically going down hill. He's weathered cancer and complications from the medication, but in the end it was more depression, and his heart that made it impossible to continue living at home.
He has had several 'heart attacks' and is clearly depressed - and other than make him as comfortable as possible, there is little else that can be done. He is 92 in a couple of weeks time.
He has been in and out of hospital for the last three weeks and keen to go to a nursing home - though not to the one where mother is. There was a vacant bed next to mum, but we knew that constant bickering would get them both 'down'. Dad always argues with mum - as he contradicts her, and tell her that the stories she relates are not true. Result? Massive tension between the two.
While many who know dad consider that mentally he is ok - well, he is to some degree, and you can have a more sensible conversation with him, than with mum, but he repeats himself over and over and over, and is in denial about his situation. Despite the advice he's been given he can never allow mum to talk about the fantasy life she is living. The disputes are uncomfortable to witness.
His preferred aged care home has no vacancy, and he had to be discharged from the hospital, so after much 'mucking around' we found a bed for him, quite close to where he has lived most of his life, and consequently not far from his shrinking circle of friends.
When I saw it the other day I saw quite a few reasonable alert people around, and was assured that the were some guys who were mentally alert, but he's already depressed about the place. He saw all the 'oldies' sitting in their wheelchairs watching television, and he and my sister have agreed that it is not suitable for him.
OMG! As one that has been frequently in these places as a visitor and as an aged care trainer in the past, I saw the establishment as one of the best I have seen. It was relatively new, open and clean and surrounded by gardens.
All Dad and my sister have seen is the old people - and dad doesn't want to associate with them. In fact he doesn't have to but he might be there for several weeks, or even months until there is a vacancy.
The reality is that dad is declining, and fairly fast if he does not manage to 'pull himself out of it' - and the depression is what is causing the problem.
He cannot accept that his longevity, along with his health issues, renders him pretty much like the others in such places. He sees himself (and it is not snobbery as such) as being better than the others. He doesn't see the old man that he is.
Well, I am back in Brisbane. I did all I could do in the five days I had in Adelaide, and I'd love to have done more but it was a rush to do everything as it was.
I am sure the fear of his days ending sometime soon, is what is behind the depression, and he worries about our mother, who is incredibly comfortable where she is. Family members will continue to keep visiting them.
We will try to do the best for them both. It is hard on everyone - and especially them, although mum worries not about it. Dad is (and always has been) the worrier.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
At Any Cost
Yesterday, while driving, I was listening to ABC Classic Radio and there was an interview with Dr Mohamed Khadra, about a play he co-wrote with David Williamson, which premiered at the Noosa Long Weekend Festival.
Dr Khadra wanted to create interest and discussion about the high cost of keeping people alive at the end of their lives, when the reality is that they should be able to die with dignity.
It is due to open its Sydney season on July 15th, at the Ensemble Theatre, and later at Penrith's Q Theatre in September.
You can listen to the interview with Margaret Throsby - accessible at this site.
http://www.abc.net.au/classic/throsby/stories/s3250342.htm
Dr Khadra wanted to create interest and discussion about the high cost of keeping people alive at the end of their lives, when the reality is that they should be able to die with dignity.
It is due to open its Sydney season on July 15th, at the Ensemble Theatre, and later at Penrith's Q Theatre in September.
You can listen to the interview with Margaret Throsby - accessible at this site.
http://www.abc.net.au/classic/throsby/stories/s3250342.htm
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Fear of Ageing
I am sure we all fear the last few years of our lives - fear of the unknown really as we don't know how our own bodies and minds are going to behave in our twilight years.
My father, at almost 92, is an independent cuss, whose live nearly ended 12 years ago when he was given 24 hours to live - and somehow miraculoulsy survived, for which we are very grateful. I remember at the time my mother's reaction as he lay dying - she really had had enough I think. He was typical male - and made most decisions - often wisely, but she had lost her own independence many years before. He berated her frequently, and I suspect his behaviour contrinuted to her downward spiral mentally.
She had some 15 years ago wanted to move into a 'retirement facility' - just a small unit, similar to what they were living in, but with support and people around. Mum had no where to go, no one to talk to, unless Dad took her, and he was such a nice guy to everyone else that he was always made a fuss of, and often stayed at the events that Mum had thought she could get some peace away from him. These occurrences continually aggravated here.
He dominated her life in every way. Mentally she went downhill quickly and he beratd her more. He cared for her though - and it was he who cooked the meals and did much of the housework. Last year, he became ill (though we know now that it was more 'panic attack' than anything as he was suddenly overwhelmed by all he had to do - and the continual bickering (often instigated by him) got him down and he was taken to hospital. It was clear he was unable to manage our mother, so she went to a nursing home.
As it was right next door to their unit - he felt it was the right thing to stay there. He was still driving though didn't go far. I could never understand how his doctor would see him as still fit to drive, but he managed without any accidents.
Clearly though in the last year, he was failing. It came to a head recently when he 'collapsed' - actually another panic attack, and he was hospitalised. He was discharged - and on talking to him I deduced that he really was not fit to beon his own, but he had rejected all support except regular home visits by an aged care organisation.
My sister took time off work to keep an eye on him, but she was looking after her daughters home and animals on the other side of the city, and I was in Brisbane - not easily able to go to Adelaide. (Even if I had wanted to go - the volcanic ash from Chile would have interrupted any travel plans)
My sister called to make sure he ate properly, and she gave him his medication. He was so confused he needed someone to do this for him. So this man thinks he can now live alone???
My sister had been with him most of yesterday and, according to his wishes arranged for home help, - someone to visit every day - check that he had meals, and that he was taking his medication. I spoke with him about 1 pm - he was feeling fine, he said. In fact he sounded quite bright and confident everything would work out. (His breathing bothered me - there were signs of breathlessness I could hear). My sister left for a short time to do some shopping for him, but while he was away the home care folk to confirm arrangements and Dad broke down. He told the lady that he could not manage and could not breathe properly, so she called the ambulance and then contacted my sister.
He was taken to Ashford Hospital in Adelaide, but a few hours later he was transferred to Glenelg Hospital. He has now accepted that he will never go home and that he will have to go to some aged care facility. He refuses to go to the same place Mum is - creating quite a dilemma for us - my sister will now have two places to visit on a regular basis.
I can understand how he was reluctant to go to a facility - my experience is that they are unhappy places - God's waiting rooms - and I have no doubt that he will go downhill quickly.
Meanwhile my mother is oblivous to all that is going on. She doesn't seem to notice that she has not seen Bob for a while. She will be 96 this year and physically is ok.
I don't know the answer, but I know that as a community we are not providing well for our ageing population. I know it is often a finance issue, and I know older people are pigheaded and won't make the changes that they need to. If Mum and Dad had moved when she wanted to, into a facility that had a nursing home attached/associated with it, they would both have had more peace of mind.
It is hard. I wonder how I will react as I get older?
My father, at almost 92, is an independent cuss, whose live nearly ended 12 years ago when he was given 24 hours to live - and somehow miraculoulsy survived, for which we are very grateful. I remember at the time my mother's reaction as he lay dying - she really had had enough I think. He was typical male - and made most decisions - often wisely, but she had lost her own independence many years before. He berated her frequently, and I suspect his behaviour contrinuted to her downward spiral mentally.
She had some 15 years ago wanted to move into a 'retirement facility' - just a small unit, similar to what they were living in, but with support and people around. Mum had no where to go, no one to talk to, unless Dad took her, and he was such a nice guy to everyone else that he was always made a fuss of, and often stayed at the events that Mum had thought she could get some peace away from him. These occurrences continually aggravated here.
He dominated her life in every way. Mentally she went downhill quickly and he beratd her more. He cared for her though - and it was he who cooked the meals and did much of the housework. Last year, he became ill (though we know now that it was more 'panic attack' than anything as he was suddenly overwhelmed by all he had to do - and the continual bickering (often instigated by him) got him down and he was taken to hospital. It was clear he was unable to manage our mother, so she went to a nursing home.
As it was right next door to their unit - he felt it was the right thing to stay there. He was still driving though didn't go far. I could never understand how his doctor would see him as still fit to drive, but he managed without any accidents.
Clearly though in the last year, he was failing. It came to a head recently when he 'collapsed' - actually another panic attack, and he was hospitalised. He was discharged - and on talking to him I deduced that he really was not fit to beon his own, but he had rejected all support except regular home visits by an aged care organisation.
My sister took time off work to keep an eye on him, but she was looking after her daughters home and animals on the other side of the city, and I was in Brisbane - not easily able to go to Adelaide. (Even if I had wanted to go - the volcanic ash from Chile would have interrupted any travel plans)
My sister called to make sure he ate properly, and she gave him his medication. He was so confused he needed someone to do this for him. So this man thinks he can now live alone???
My sister had been with him most of yesterday and, according to his wishes arranged for home help, - someone to visit every day - check that he had meals, and that he was taking his medication. I spoke with him about 1 pm - he was feeling fine, he said. In fact he sounded quite bright and confident everything would work out. (His breathing bothered me - there were signs of breathlessness I could hear). My sister left for a short time to do some shopping for him, but while he was away the home care folk to confirm arrangements and Dad broke down. He told the lady that he could not manage and could not breathe properly, so she called the ambulance and then contacted my sister.
He was taken to Ashford Hospital in Adelaide, but a few hours later he was transferred to Glenelg Hospital. He has now accepted that he will never go home and that he will have to go to some aged care facility. He refuses to go to the same place Mum is - creating quite a dilemma for us - my sister will now have two places to visit on a regular basis.
I can understand how he was reluctant to go to a facility - my experience is that they are unhappy places - God's waiting rooms - and I have no doubt that he will go downhill quickly.
Meanwhile my mother is oblivous to all that is going on. She doesn't seem to notice that she has not seen Bob for a while. She will be 96 this year and physically is ok.
I don't know the answer, but I know that as a community we are not providing well for our ageing population. I know it is often a finance issue, and I know older people are pigheaded and won't make the changes that they need to. If Mum and Dad had moved when she wanted to, into a facility that had a nursing home attached/associated with it, they would both have had more peace of mind.
It is hard. I wonder how I will react as I get older?
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Elder Abuse
This morning's Sunday Mail reported a number of very sad events where people have taken unfair advantage of elders. One case was an elderly man who was taken advantage of by a women, already married, but feigned her love for the man, and in the end took his money. Luckily, according to the story, he was able to pull himself together and get his life back on track. Some people are very vulnerable after the death of a partner, or an illness. There always seems to be some nasty person around to take advantage of the situation.
There has been more in the papers about the funeral industry and I am pleased to know that there is a new organisation getting ready to be created that will advocate for families at the time of death. It is so important that families are not ripped off, or that they get the best value for their dollars.
It would be great to get more support. If anyone is interested they can send me a message via the comments section, and I will put them in touch with the organisers who are keen to work to ensure that there is "Dignity in Death."
Australia really is a multicultural country - so there are many types of funerals held in Australia.
My friend Patty Beecham has a business where she takes videos of family events - including funerals. I had to think hard about this - I did not initially understand why someone would want a family funeral filmed but I am sure that it will bring value to some folk.
Visit her website to see what she is doing. Click here.
Make your own banner at MyBannerMaker.com!
There has been more in the papers about the funeral industry and I am pleased to know that there is a new organisation getting ready to be created that will advocate for families at the time of death. It is so important that families are not ripped off, or that they get the best value for their dollars.
It would be great to get more support. If anyone is interested they can send me a message via the comments section, and I will put them in touch with the organisers who are keen to work to ensure that there is "Dignity in Death."
Australia really is a multicultural country - so there are many types of funerals held in Australia.
My friend Patty Beecham has a business where she takes videos of family events - including funerals. I had to think hard about this - I did not initially understand why someone would want a family funeral filmed but I am sure that it will bring value to some folk.
Visit her website to see what she is doing. Click here.
Make your own banner at MyBannerMaker.com!
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Bad News for Seniors.
There were several articles in The Sunday Mail in Brisbane today, May 15th, 2011, that provide depressing information for seniors.
One article was about the problems within the funeral industry. There are apparently funeral directors who are misleading their clients and not treating the deceased (or their families) with dignity and respect and that strange things are happening in the industry. So make sure that when you need the services of a funeral director you choose one which does do the right thing. Again, this is probably something you should research well before you need their services. It would't hurt to do some research right now.
Also, if you are one that has chosen to pay funds on a regular basis to a Funeral Insurance plan, just check that, should you live a long time, that you are not paying far more than your funeral will every cost. Some companies are making massive profits from people who live a long time, and can lose everything if they stop paying. Do your research and check the details of any company you choose to insure with.
Another article was calling for more scrutiny of older drivers after an horrific accident in a Brisbane suburb last week, where a woman nearly lost her life, and did lose her leg. It makes me wonder too - so many young people are causing accidents, so do they call for more scrutiny on them? Sure, all drivers must have scrutiny. I am aware that some doctors are afraid to refuse to allow their patients to drive, especially if the aged person believes they are safe. My 92 year old father is a case in point. I don't think he should still be driving.
In addition, we learn that older people are being targetted by scammers, especially those who phone to say there is a problem with one's computer and they can fix it. Scammers. Hang up, is the best advice and do not tell them anything.
One article was about the problems within the funeral industry. There are apparently funeral directors who are misleading their clients and not treating the deceased (or their families) with dignity and respect and that strange things are happening in the industry. So make sure that when you need the services of a funeral director you choose one which does do the right thing. Again, this is probably something you should research well before you need their services. It would't hurt to do some research right now.
Also, if you are one that has chosen to pay funds on a regular basis to a Funeral Insurance plan, just check that, should you live a long time, that you are not paying far more than your funeral will every cost. Some companies are making massive profits from people who live a long time, and can lose everything if they stop paying. Do your research and check the details of any company you choose to insure with.
Another article was calling for more scrutiny of older drivers after an horrific accident in a Brisbane suburb last week, where a woman nearly lost her life, and did lose her leg. It makes me wonder too - so many young people are causing accidents, so do they call for more scrutiny on them? Sure, all drivers must have scrutiny. I am aware that some doctors are afraid to refuse to allow their patients to drive, especially if the aged person believes they are safe. My 92 year old father is a case in point. I don't think he should still be driving.
In addition, we learn that older people are being targetted by scammers, especially those who phone to say there is a problem with one's computer and they can fix it. Scammers. Hang up, is the best advice and do not tell them anything.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
How to Cope with being Widowed
I found this article on the internet and thought it was very interesting. I often think how men who are widowed can quickly find a woman to take care of them, but so many women do not find a new partner. How to Cope with being Widowed
It is certainly something that we do not normally talk about. I guess it is another of those topics that is difficult to discuss.
It is certainly something that we do not normally talk about. I guess it is another of those topics that is difficult to discuss.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
RIP - Don and Iris Flounders
An awfully brave couple who have chosen to end their lives with as much dignity as possible.
Sydney Morning Herald article.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Middle Aged People the Most Gloomy
An interesting article and more information to come with a paper to be released in the next few days. Go to http://www.couriermail.com.au/news/breaking-news/happiness-is-shaped-like-a-u-with-middle-aged-people-the-most-gloomy-study-shows/story-e6freonf-1226040931567 to read it.
I must say it is gloomy reading all the doom, gloom, natural disasters, high cost of living, etc in our papers!!!
I must say it is gloomy reading all the doom, gloom, natural disasters, high cost of living, etc in our papers!!!
Retirement Village Expo
A week or so ago, I was reading the Sunday Mail and saw an advertisement for an Expo on Retirement Villages at Bronco's which is not far from where I am house sitting. So, I duly visited there that afternoon. I'd hope that they would have received better patronage than I saw that afternoon, but it was towards the end of the event.
It was refreshing to see some really lovely aged care/retirement facilities on display - not that I am looking for anything for me right now, but I found it interesting.
I had a long chat with two wonderful ladies who were working on promoting a lovely looking facility on the Sunshine Coast. I'd move in fairly quickly IF I had the dollars.
One of the ladies phoned me today, (following up as I left my contact details trying to win their raffle!), and we had a another long chat.
There certainly is a poor image of aged care facilities - and I can see from the displays that there are many improvements, but I recognise that there is a buge reluctance on the part of older people to consider leaving their homes and support mechanisms to venture to one of these places.
I was interested to learn that the Sunshine Coast facility has some apartments where people can stay for a few days to get some understanding and experience life there. Still there is much work to be done.
I know with my own parents (Dad almost 92, and Mum almost 96) how they wrestled with the situation. Mum was really keen quite a few years ago to move into a retirement village, and fought desperately with Dad over it. He refused. In part, one of the reasons for my mother's enthusiasm was that she was 'trapped' in their apartment. She was no longer able to briskly walk to the bus stop to catch a bus, and was reliant on my father to take her places.
I'd not like to say that my father used it as a 'control' of her, but I am sure that is how she felt. She was often angry that she had to negotiate with him each time she wanted to go out, and she was continually angry that he accompanied her everywhere, even to sitting in a hall waiting for her (and as Mum said, 'chatting up the other ladies'). As is often the case there are more women at social events than men - partly because men are not as social beings as women, and partly so many of the men had passed on earlier. Women often outlive men!
I do get a feeling that my mother's mental state deteriorated faster because of her anger at the way she had to be so reliant on him. There had been two ladies living in the apartment block during the 20 plus years they were there, but one died, and the other moved to a nursinghome when her vision deteriorated, so Mum was further isolated. Dad of course went to bowls often, leaving Mum home alone.
I find it interesting that they both found going out anywhere somewhat of a chore. For quite a few years they went on monthly trips with a tour group, but several things happened. Dad was often the only man on the tour, and as he had a good sense of humour, Mum had to 'share' him with the other ladies. Dad mostly enjoyed the experience, though did express his wish that there would be more men on the trips. Mum did not enjoy sharing him. However, the factor that stopped the trips was that Mum became slightly disabled as a result of a fall, and she found it impossible to climb the steps to get into, or later out of, the bus.
Dad didn't like driving at night - so that stopped some social activities. Going to the movies was out - they found the high volumes at theatres too much for them (something I agree with!!! Why so loud???)
The social support and the real support when health issues occurred would have helped them, but even now, Dad is still determined to stay in his own unit, alone now, as Mum is in the Nursing Home next to where they lived for many years.
Dad is keen to go to another nursing home - as he does not like the one Mum is in (perhaps knows the staff and residents too well, and has no friendship with any resident), but I am not sure how it would work with them being seperated. Logistically a bit of a night mare. If they were entrenched in the same facility when Mum deteriorated he could be living in a unit in the facility, and she in the high care section and they could visit, and be independent now their lives were different. Does that make sense?
I know many folk are having challenges with parents/relatives who refuse to move on, and I understand that moving out of one's familiar home does come with challenges, but life could be so much better in the right facility.
It was refreshing to see some really lovely aged care/retirement facilities on display - not that I am looking for anything for me right now, but I found it interesting.
I had a long chat with two wonderful ladies who were working on promoting a lovely looking facility on the Sunshine Coast. I'd move in fairly quickly IF I had the dollars.
One of the ladies phoned me today, (following up as I left my contact details trying to win their raffle!), and we had a another long chat.
There certainly is a poor image of aged care facilities - and I can see from the displays that there are many improvements, but I recognise that there is a buge reluctance on the part of older people to consider leaving their homes and support mechanisms to venture to one of these places.
I was interested to learn that the Sunshine Coast facility has some apartments where people can stay for a few days to get some understanding and experience life there. Still there is much work to be done.
I know with my own parents (Dad almost 92, and Mum almost 96) how they wrestled with the situation. Mum was really keen quite a few years ago to move into a retirement village, and fought desperately with Dad over it. He refused. In part, one of the reasons for my mother's enthusiasm was that she was 'trapped' in their apartment. She was no longer able to briskly walk to the bus stop to catch a bus, and was reliant on my father to take her places.
I'd not like to say that my father used it as a 'control' of her, but I am sure that is how she felt. She was often angry that she had to negotiate with him each time she wanted to go out, and she was continually angry that he accompanied her everywhere, even to sitting in a hall waiting for her (and as Mum said, 'chatting up the other ladies'). As is often the case there are more women at social events than men - partly because men are not as social beings as women, and partly so many of the men had passed on earlier. Women often outlive men!
I do get a feeling that my mother's mental state deteriorated faster because of her anger at the way she had to be so reliant on him. There had been two ladies living in the apartment block during the 20 plus years they were there, but one died, and the other moved to a nursinghome when her vision deteriorated, so Mum was further isolated. Dad of course went to bowls often, leaving Mum home alone.
I find it interesting that they both found going out anywhere somewhat of a chore. For quite a few years they went on monthly trips with a tour group, but several things happened. Dad was often the only man on the tour, and as he had a good sense of humour, Mum had to 'share' him with the other ladies. Dad mostly enjoyed the experience, though did express his wish that there would be more men on the trips. Mum did not enjoy sharing him. However, the factor that stopped the trips was that Mum became slightly disabled as a result of a fall, and she found it impossible to climb the steps to get into, or later out of, the bus.
Dad didn't like driving at night - so that stopped some social activities. Going to the movies was out - they found the high volumes at theatres too much for them (something I agree with!!! Why so loud???)
The social support and the real support when health issues occurred would have helped them, but even now, Dad is still determined to stay in his own unit, alone now, as Mum is in the Nursing Home next to where they lived for many years.
Dad is keen to go to another nursing home - as he does not like the one Mum is in (perhaps knows the staff and residents too well, and has no friendship with any resident), but I am not sure how it would work with them being seperated. Logistically a bit of a night mare. If they were entrenched in the same facility when Mum deteriorated he could be living in a unit in the facility, and she in the high care section and they could visit, and be independent now their lives were different. Does that make sense?
I know many folk are having challenges with parents/relatives who refuse to move on, and I understand that moving out of one's familiar home does come with challenges, but life could be so much better in the right facility.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
China - and thoughts on death.
I was interested to read an article on China Daily, about this topic. Australians, Chinese and many other cultures around the world find it difficult to discuss death, and the issues that are raised. I know if I tell anyone I like reading/writing obituaries, people shy away from me as if I have an unnatural interest in death, or that I am scary to be talking with.
Sooner or later we will all die - and research, as is noted elsewhere in this blog, indicates that those are prepared for it, and understand it as something that is inevitable, manage much better with the whole process.
The China Daily article has a number of stories - quite interesting. Click here to read the articles.
We certainly need to be able to discuss our wishes and feel comfortable with this topic - even with our loved ones.
Sooner or later we will all die - and research, as is noted elsewhere in this blog, indicates that those are prepared for it, and understand it as something that is inevitable, manage much better with the whole process.
The China Daily article has a number of stories - quite interesting. Click here to read the articles.
We certainly need to be able to discuss our wishes and feel comfortable with this topic - even with our loved ones.
Monday, March 14, 2011
This is worth reading - wisdom from a 90 year old.
This came to me in an email, but it is too good just to forward on.
Written by a 90 year old
This is something we should all read at least once a week!!!!! Make sure you read to the end!!!!!!
Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio .
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come...
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
(I think we can change No 4 - to read, friends and children)
Written by a 90 year old
This is something we should all read at least once a week!!!!! Make sure you read to the end!!!!!!
Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio .
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come...
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
(I think we can change No 4 - to read, friends and children)
Monday, March 7, 2011
How dare they!!!!
When I was in Adelaide recently my father (aged 91) told me that his doctor has such terrible handwriting, that recently he was given a prescription at a consultation, which he had to drive some 3 kms to see the doctor. When he took the script to the chemist he was told that they could not read the doctor's writing, so he had to take it back to the doctor. Which he did, but as the doctor had departed from the surgery, he left it and was told that it would be mailed to him. Which it was.
(I was angry that the chemist and the surgery could not solve the problem without expecting my father to do the leg work for something that was clearly not his fault. The doctor is older and refused to use a computer as most doctors now do, for such tasks. )
I was with my father when he presented the prescription at the chemist, one which he had been visiting regularly for some 30 years, and this time they refused to provide the medication because the doctor had written a date some 5 days in advance!!! My father, already having used up his previous prescription, now would have to go without his medication until the date on the prescription.
I was furious, so took the prescription from him and stormed to the counter!!!! Angry? Sure was!!!!
I pointed out to the staff that my father had already been given the 'run around' due to the incompetance of the doctor and the pharmacy, and that this latest event was unacceptable. The poor writing of the doctor was such that the date could be construed as any number - and that I was not leaving until my father was given his medication.
There was a quick discussion between the chemist and staff member, (the former looking like she was terrified of me!) and they agreed to give him the medication. I thanked them and sat down and shortly afterwards Dad was given the medication, for which he paid at the counter.
He's a wily old man, and knows that he (and he is sure others) are being ripped off by the system. He is a Repat Patient, having servced with the military during WWII, and some months ago he went to the Repat Clinic for a regular appointment. His 'usual' doctor had gone, and he saw another doctor, so on noting his address, suggested it would be easier for him to visit her surgery nearer his home. Sounded good.
He did go for his next appointment, and his prescription was written on a normal script pad. He didn't realise this until later, and found out he would have to pay a higher price than normal because of that. He went back, and asked that the prescription be put on the correct paperwork. He noted that there was some discomfort with all of this - and he has the feeling that he has been 'poached' from the Repat System.
I'm sure this sort of 'rorting' if I can call it that, is going on, and those who do not know or stand up for themselves are being manipulated in a very deceptive way. He will not complain to any authority - he is already feeling intimidated by the system.
(I was angry that the chemist and the surgery could not solve the problem without expecting my father to do the leg work for something that was clearly not his fault. The doctor is older and refused to use a computer as most doctors now do, for such tasks. )
I was with my father when he presented the prescription at the chemist, one which he had been visiting regularly for some 30 years, and this time they refused to provide the medication because the doctor had written a date some 5 days in advance!!! My father, already having used up his previous prescription, now would have to go without his medication until the date on the prescription.
I was furious, so took the prescription from him and stormed to the counter!!!! Angry? Sure was!!!!
I pointed out to the staff that my father had already been given the 'run around' due to the incompetance of the doctor and the pharmacy, and that this latest event was unacceptable. The poor writing of the doctor was such that the date could be construed as any number - and that I was not leaving until my father was given his medication.
There was a quick discussion between the chemist and staff member, (the former looking like she was terrified of me!) and they agreed to give him the medication. I thanked them and sat down and shortly afterwards Dad was given the medication, for which he paid at the counter.
He's a wily old man, and knows that he (and he is sure others) are being ripped off by the system. He is a Repat Patient, having servced with the military during WWII, and some months ago he went to the Repat Clinic for a regular appointment. His 'usual' doctor had gone, and he saw another doctor, so on noting his address, suggested it would be easier for him to visit her surgery nearer his home. Sounded good.
He did go for his next appointment, and his prescription was written on a normal script pad. He didn't realise this until later, and found out he would have to pay a higher price than normal because of that. He went back, and asked that the prescription be put on the correct paperwork. He noted that there was some discomfort with all of this - and he has the feeling that he has been 'poached' from the Repat System.
I'm sure this sort of 'rorting' if I can call it that, is going on, and those who do not know or stand up for themselves are being manipulated in a very deceptive way. He will not complain to any authority - he is already feeling intimidated by the system.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
An email - worth reading.....
This was in an email that came to me this week. I know not who wrote it, so I am hoping he/she does not mind if I put it here, but as someone who is very interested in aged care in Australia, it does make you think.
Dear Prime Minister,
Let's put the seniors in jail and the criminals in a nursing home. This way the seniors would have access to showers, hobbies and walks. They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out. They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly if they fell, or needed assistance.
Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them. A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose. They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counseling, pool and education.
Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request. Private, secure! rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens. Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.
The "criminals" would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay $900.00 per month and have no hope of ever getting out.
Justice for all we say.
Dear Prime Minister,
Let's put the seniors in jail and the criminals in a nursing home. This way the seniors would have access to showers, hobbies and walks. They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out. They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly if they fell, or needed assistance.
Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them. A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose. They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counseling, pool and education.
Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request. Private, secure! rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens. Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.
The "criminals" would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay $900.00 per month and have no hope of ever getting out.
Justice for all we say.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Dementia - my mother forgets me.
I phoned my mother in the nursing home in Adelaide today. It was 9 am and she was lying on her bed. She did not remember me. She kept saying she did not have another daughter. She remembers my sister. It was hard to fight back the tears. Eventually she seemed to remember me but the conversation was quite weird. She thinks she lives in Mt Gambier and is on a training camp and they have lessons all the time, and she is tiring of it. She says she does not live with my father any more - (true) she does not, but he lives right next door. She says he is in Adelaide, (true) and spends all day at the Bowls Club.(not true)
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